Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Why is it...

that every time I walk into the living room when London or TD is watching 24 I always see a random actor?

Ok, ok I know. I should watch the show. The fact of the matter is, I already watch too much TV and if I try to catch up on five seasons and add something else into the mix I'm going to be plastered to my couch forever. But really, the show has piqued my interest lately with its crazy mix of random actors whose names I don't know including Audrey from Vegas Vacation, Montgomery McNeil from Fame/Dr. Romano from ER, Gabriel Demas (ok, I know his name is Eric Balfour) from Six Feet Under, Cyril O'Reilly from Oz, and the guy with the strange accent from Ghostbusters 2/Ally McBeal.

Perhaps I will have some catching up to do this summer. But only after I celebrate what I am now dubbing DAWSON'S CREEKENDS! I have decided that over every weekend for the next few months I will watch every episode of Dawson's Creek, from start to finish. Seriously. Every. last. one. This means 128 episodes including the 2-hour finale.

In order to complete my DAWSONS CREEKENDS! I will need to obtain Seasons 5 & 6 on DVD. Donations will be accepted. Anyone interested in participating can contact me at Or if you are one of those special people who actually know me, just pick up the phone and call.

Yes, I have no life.

Monday, January 29, 2007


Ok, so this girl is psycho. And is it just me, or does one of the the bridesmaids look like one of those manly triplets from MTV's Super Sweet 16?

I think this could be fake, but if not, God help the poor groom.

Take note Future Mrs. KrabbyPatty-if you pull a stunt like this we will be laughing at you.

And full credit goes to Spanish, for sending this link.

I Need a Hero...

Anyone else share this sentiment? It seems that everyday heroes are popping up everywhere these days. From Wesley Autrey to Hiro Nakamura it seems like everyone else is getting their fill of valiant efforts made by regular folks. But not me (well, maybe I get a little from Hiro, since he makes me laugh out loud every Monday night).

Sure I've had my brush with the amazing every so often. Take my normally lax superintendent for example. A small rodent, who I'll call Mickey, decided to invade my apartment a few weeks ago when I was gone for the weekend. London caught a glimpse of the little fellow and given her past history with these little creatures she wasn't having anything to do with them. When I came back to my apartment after a long relaxing weekend in the 'chester, I spotted sticky traps neatly lined in front of her door and strategically placed in the kitchen. I didn't even say hello.

Me: No!!!!!

London: Yes.

Me: When.

London: Saturday night.

Me: Where?

London: Under the couch and into my room

Me: Nooooooooooo! Not again! Sweet Jesus, not again.

End Scene.

Monday night, during the greatest night of TV ever, Mickey decided to come over, unannounced and uninvited. I watched her little brown bod scurry to his demise in one of London sticky traps. As he writhed around (I admit, I felt really bad, ya know, 'cause all God's creatures have a place in the choir) I screamed.

Me: London!!!!

London: What?

Me: It's in a trap!

London: What????

Me: It's stuck...what do I do?

London: I don't know.

Me: EW EW EW It's looking at me!

London: Call the super.

Luckily, my phone was in my lap so I could avoid having to get up and face any of Mickey's friends. I called the super. I kid you not. The same man who told us to clean out our cabinets so he could fill the holes in our walls and then took 3 weeks to do anything about it. When I explained the problem he said, "I'll be right up." That night he became, in my bright hazel eyes, Super Super, my hero.

Flash to Paris, end of August, 2001. It's a late night. Jonesy has imbibed many glasses of French wine and a bottle of French beer that looked like a forty ounce (which she stole from a cabaret, the cabaret during which she yelled "DEEP THROAT IT!" to the sword swallower...oops.) Jonesy and a few others get separated from their tour group. One of the others is a girl from San Diego who has never drank before and decides to go up to random people on the street and ask for directions. One of these people, a surly looking French fellow decides to grab Jonesy and start taking her away from the group. Luckily, when I'm drunk, I'm very loud, so when I shouted "LET GO!" a member of the group, Boston College Dave (who did not attend BC) came running to her rescue and pulled out a pocket knife, almost like he was in The Outsiders. He was my SodaPop that night and I will never forget that.

Beyond that I got nothing. Nothing beyond what I see on TV. And what I see on TV is glorious. One hero for everyday of the week:



Titus Pullo and Marcus Veroneus on HBO's Rome. Both have killed for the women they love...HOT!



Totally trying to right wrongs done to their families and the women they love (RIP Veronica).

And let's face it, what lady doesn't mind that Linc the sink always has his top button undone?



Christopher Meloni, Law & Order: SVU. Angry cop with a temper. Also seen with full frontal on OZ as an angry prisoner with a temper. Either way, I'll take it.



Dr. Jack Shepard. Even though I have a love/hate relationship with Lost (which is more hate right now) but still, he's pretty. I would let him save me any day.



No need for words. P. Demps. So hot right now.



Basic cable hot: this guy from Psych. Very observant and funny. Reason enough to rethink going out on Friday nights.


Well, there really isn't any new TV on Saturday nights and lord knows I wouldn't let any of those messes on SNL save me. So I guess I'll have to be my own hero on Saturday nights, albeit a drunk one, but a hero nonetheless. Until I find a real one...

Friday, January 19, 2007


"I do a little bit of karokey every so often...."

I know at least one person is going to yell at me for posting anything American Idol related...but c'mon.

Why am I waiting for Paul Bearer to come walking in with an urn...

A New Year...

Sorry I've been so absent folks. Any of you who actually know me know that there has been a lot going on lately. But like they say excuses are like here goes.

In 2007, I've decided to work on a few things. Here's a briefing:

1. Go back to the gym. After a long hiatus I've realized that I have to get my ass back in the gym. Literally, my ass needs to go before it gets any bigger. Besides I bet Laverne misses me.

2. Get more organized. Still working on getting my ducks in a row but so far so good!

3. Get a new bed. Yes, my bed is still broken and on the floor. But without some help, it's staying that way. And yes, it's still a twin. But considering I'm the only one who sleeps in it, no one sees this a rush situation.

4. Watch less tv and take advantage of my surroundings more. Who are we kidding? I should cross this off right now.

5. Go on vacation. A real one. That requires at least taking 3-4 days off of work.

6. Upgrade. Meaning: new bed, new digitial camera, new wardrobe.

7. Number 7 is the step before number 6 and 5, but hey, I have credit cards so we won't hold our breath for this one. Get a promotion/raise and or better job that will pay me enough to have a normal life. I got a raise in September. I didn't talk about it because I JUST realized this recently while looking at some pay stubs. That's how huge it was. Awesome.

8. Have more fun. I want to do more fun things that I never thought I would do. Like bungee jumping or sky diving. But again, that requires number 7 to happen.

9. Drink less. This one isn't the most fun, but it will lead to less embarassment and injury to myself and others.

10. Stop making stupid lists on my blog when I have nothing else to write about.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


I'm not Diddy and I can't fly around with the US Constitution in my provate plane to my white party, BUT I can implore you all to vote for one of my favorite funnymen of all time, Mitch Hedberg. RIP Mitch, we miss the laughs!!

PS For those of you who go to this site a vote for Dane Cook you are lame. 1. Because Dane Cook is alive. 2. Because yes, Dane Cook is hysterical, but he's a live and has his own HBO special that is on every other 5 minutes. Watch Mitch Hedberg, sadly, he won't be making any HBO specials for you to chuckle at. Bitches.

Monday, January 08, 2007

I might as well join the team...

I was thinking today about my beloved Mets. And how much my life is like a reflection of them. I guess it's a curse. Let me explain:

1. Consider my family. Sure my mom is one of the oldest, but she's also one of the best so she's like Glavine. Then you have the superstars who may be complete opposites but man do they play well together, so I guess my sisters are like Wright and Reyes. Then you have the newest addition who shows a lot of promise but has a lot to learn about the game, and while she may not have braids, in a way, my baby niece is like Lastings Milledge. My dad, well, he's a he doesn't really work in this analogy. Then you have me...the real superstar, who is there for the team, who likes attention, and who really wishes they would have swung at that last pitch in the NLCS...just like Carlos Beltran, except I don't switch hit.

2. My life...sure, for awhile things looked good for everyone in New York but me...with a few blips if greatness here or there. But finally, finally, things look like they just might come together.

3. When I was little and I did something good, I would get an apple. It didn't come out of a top hat but you get the drift.

4. Sometimes it seems like everyone around me is rooting for someone else.

5. I have been home to some really good looking (D. Wright!) and fugly (Jeromy Burnitz anyone?) players.

6. With my new workout regime I plan on implementing soon, I, too, will have a new stadium (OK that was a reach...)

So anyway, with that, I renew my commitment to the NYM for the 2007 season. See you at Shea kids!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

New Year Hilarity

I finally made it through a New Year's Eve without incident (except for my sister's OBVIOUS cheating during a late night game of Friends Scene-it). Others were not as lucky. Please refer to the following email I received from a friend today:

"For those that are unaware, there is a song entitled 'From Paris to
Berlin' in which the chorus repeats: "From Paris to Berlin, every disco
I go in, my heart is pumping for love, pumping for love"

New years eve is well underway and the cocktails are flowing, when I
receive a text from [redacted] that read 'From Paris to Berlin, every
disco I go in'. Knowing the song and the next line I type 'My heart is
pumping for love' to send in reply. After typing the message I then need
to select who is going to receive the message and as I always put
people's last names in my phone, I search for [redacted]. Because I was so
rushed to get back to playing Jenga, I accidentally send to [redacted, but something close to the other name...(my boss).

So to summarize I sent a text to my boss that said 'My heart is pumping
for love'


I hope your 2007s are off to a better start than mine.

Happy New Year!"

Here's to a heart full of pumping love in 2007 (but not for our bosses!)