Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Reason 2

Depressing? Maybe. But really do they know it's Christmas time at all? Thank you Bono, for reminding me that Christmas isn't about snow or presents or food or Santa or fun or even the birth of Jesus Christ. It's about saving the starving children in Africa.

FEEEEEEEED THE WOOOOOOOOOORRRRRLD! We all get presents and they don't. So everyone be nice and donate some funds to something charitible this year.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

IT'S CHRISTMASTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that it's officially the Holiday season, I will be posting all the reasons why this is my favorite time of year (if work doesn't kill me first).

Here is one to kick things off:

The Heat Miser

For one thing, he is a red hot version of Don King. Also, whenever I hear his jam I get all excited for a series of films on ABC Family and am reminded that 24 Hours of the best movie ever is not too far off.

Thursday, November 23, 2006


So when Mario Lopez first started Dancing With the Stars he said head had no professional dance experience. I shook off the fact that he did some wicked moves on SBTB (ballet tights anyone? Or the epi when he entered the dance contest?). But I have proof that he is a liar from this clip from Kids Incorporated (the BEST SHOW EVER)

Umm, no professional experience? Then why is he listed in the opening credits as a DANCER? Let's get Darren Lee and Andrea Paige Wilson to go on record ok? Britney, stay away from him.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


Why I love How I Met Your Mother-the short version.

Shot Through the Heart: The Barney Stinson Story

Here are a million reasons to watch How I Met Your Mother (or at least DVR it). NPH forever!

Two Down...oh crap, "You're next!"

Yes. The wedding was gorgeous and my sister looked amazing. Like Audrey Hepburn amazing. Fun was had by all including me, although at times, I was dodging ninja stars the family was throwing at me.

Case 1:

Aunt Judgemental: So, you're next!

Me: (chuckle) Don't hold your breath!

Aunt J: Two down, you're left. Is there a special someone here with you tonight?

Me: (fake chuckle) I hear that weddings are a great place to meet guys, too bad no one clued me in that tonight, all the single ones would be my cousins.

Aunt J: Aren't there a lot of guys in the city?

Me: (contemplating explaining my latest dry hump fiasco) Well, I just haven't met the right onw yet. But you know, your son is older than me and he's still single, so I guess, really, he's next. Oh wait, and there is our other cousin who's like over 50 and not married and etc, etc.

Aunt J: Well, make sure you keep your eyes open....

Me: Oh, I think they just called me to the danceflooooooooooooooooooo (trailed off as I ran)

Case 2:

Family Friend: You're next! Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: Nope. Really busy with work and stuff (code for I don't but I still hook up with people and you will never know about it) there's no time!

Family Friend: Well don't wait too long!

Me: (contemplating telling her that I eloped last week and that the DJ is my husband and I just didn't want to steal my sister's thunder) Oh I won't!!! Oh look, I think that's a waiter bringing dinnnnnnnnnneer (again running)

Case 3:

My mom: "You're Next Jonesy!"

Me: Umm, Mom, she hasn't even thrown the bouquet yet.

Mom: "I know! When we get to you're wedding we'll know exactly what to do!

Me: Ma, seriously, no more wedding talk.

Mom: Yes, you can't get married until 2010 anyway because your sister's weddings were so close together! And you better hope that Capital 1's stock does well so you can have a great wedding, pray I don't lose money in the market.

Me: (not even standing there anymore, hiding with large bottle on Pinot.)


Thursday, November 16, 2006

Happy WeddingDay Eve!

Sorry I've been absent....

Sister #2 is getting married tomorrow. Maid of Honor duties have called me away but trust me I have many a funny things to report. Like the team of women who ransacked a bag full of panty hose on the subway that someone had left behind (and then exclaimed to me "Don't be frightened, that's just what we black folk do!" Another one of the women responded with "Aw Shit, look at her, She's sitting there thinking 'Damn, I wish I had taken a pair too.")

So While I do need plenty of rest tonight, not only for the wedding, but for the endless gauntlet of aunts and cousins excaliming to me "You're next!" and then asking questions about my love life (I'm the one who went to journalism school, right?). God, I already need a vodka soda.

But in my absence, I will leave you with this. Dry Humping. Back in style ('cause I received no memo)? Or still reserved for 9th graders? Discuss.

If I could I would banish this act. Not enjoyable.

Friday, November 10, 2006


Shoutout time....Congrats to London for finishing the NY marathon last weekend. Really, she ran a marathon. Her running skills and determination have proven 1. that she rocks and 2. that I am a lazy bastard.

Think about it, it's Friday and I'm just posting this now. I've beena t work for 1.5 hours and I haven't gotten up from my chair yet. I haven't seen my gym (or my dear friend Laverne since April. I haven't fixed my broken bed yet (which trusts me, really sucks, I think I may have a concussion...but that's another story). But, this post isn't about me....

So here's to you London, your gigiantic ponytail, your philanthropic fundraising and your marathoning ways!!!!!

I'm even to lazy to take a picture on time....

Monday, November 06, 2006

This Week In Coming Outtances....

Okay, so I totally knew about this one BUT...oh NPH, you were so my favorite part of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. Now it all seems like a facade...

"Yeah, I've been craving burgers, too. Furburgers. Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. The Doogie line always works on strippers."

He lied. Unless he was referring to Hunkamania.

Too bad he didn't fill in his publicist:

"I made some love stains in the back. You'll see... "

I always knew about this one though. I wonder what tipped me off:

Was it the strange relatonship with Vinnie DelPino?

His penchant for theater?

His appearence on Will & Grace?

Was it this photo?

Of course not. None of those things meant he was necessarily gay. A reliable source told me like 3 years ago. And I had to let my crush on NPH go...........

The gays can have you NPH... but I will keep you as Doogie in my heat forevs. Oh yea, and I will still watch How I Met Your Mother in hysterics.