Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Debbie Does Dallas, Abby Does Advice, Jonesy Does Everything

Dear Jonesy: I need your advice! Love, One of your friends who are considered one of the members of your inner sanctum

I’ve noticed that many members of my innermost circle have been coming to me for advice lately. I don’t mind it at all. I actually enjoy doling out a tome of wisdom via email or an astute oration through the magic my cell phone.

What boggles me about this new phenomenon is the why. WHY are these people coming to me, lil’ ol’ Jonesy, for guidance that plenty of other people are qualified to give? Why not a therapist? Or a minister perhaps? WHY me, the girl who once received a pair of socks that said “Boozey Floozey” on them and took it as a compliment? WHY me, the woman who has been known to canoodle with highly unattractive men for free drinks while on vacation? WHY me, the person who has to check that she has spelled the word weird right every times she types it? WHY??

To be honest, I really think it has nothing to do with me. I think it is part of innate human (or at least female) nature to poll all of your resources when making a big decision. For example, I have a friend who is graduating from law school this year. I will dub her Angel, as she was the maniacal brain behind a very elaborate prank involving an angel costume and techno music our senior of college that I will never forget as I still think that poor boy is scarred for life. Angel is deciding whether to move back to the NY area or stay in the city where she has attended law school. There are more factors at play here, but for the sake of her privacy all of you are on a need to know basis. Today she asked me for advice and I know she has gone to other friends as well. Which is smart. She is utilizing her research skills that were no doubt taught to her in law school considering our college had a small library that gave you to constant feeling that you were about to be raped at any moment and on Saturdays and Sundays, smelled like a whiskey factory. And yes, I know what a whiskey factory smells like. I’ve been to one that actually had a Disney-type ride inside. They gave me a certificate and told me I was officially whiski-fied.

I tend to turn to others for advice. In part because I am a Libra and can’t make decisions for myself and in part because I have no idea what the hell I am doing 99 percent of the time (which again brings us back to WHY me?) Most of the time I listen to what my friends have to say. But that’s because I take a very specialized approach to guidance seeking. For all things that are relationship and fashion oriented I turn to my married friend Spanish and a friend I’ll call Got-it-together who is in a serious relationship. They both work in fashion and they are both good at holding onto good men for extended periods of time. Bitches.

For advice on career moves I ask another college friend, who I will call Carly, because when I think of her going to work I think of the Carly Simon song from the film Working Girl. Leeeeeeeeeeeet the river ruuuuuuun…anyway, she’s a success.

If I have a problem thinking of a show tune I ask London or Tiny Dancer. They live and breathe for those things. Oddly enough, this happens more than you would think.

Angel and a friend I call Little get called in for the big guns. The ultra-embarrassing problems that I probably wouldn’t tell anyone but I know that they will keep a secret, especially for the stuff that is buried deep in my college past. Usually they make me laugh about it in the end, but there will be no funny references here.

Mary-Kate (I am the Ashley of this friendship) gets calls for every problem as she is my best friend since I was three and she has to listen to me blabber by default. She’s stuck with me for life. I feel bad for her but my stories tend to amuse her.

None of these people hold the secret to life or any type of degree that would qualify them to give me any sort of advice. But they do know me, with all of my quirks and intricacies. They know the real me. So based on that knowledge they can at least help me make a decision that is right for me.

Going to one of my posse members for advice is like a badge of honor. It’s me saying, “You know me enough to tell me what you think good for me.” And not too many people get that honor besides my momma.

So thank you Angel, for letting me know that you trust me and that you value my opinion. I value yours too. And even if you totally ignore my advice I appreciate you asking even if the subject was way off my radar. But next time you have a beer and/or vodka related question let me know, I pretty much have that covered.

Finally, I field I am an expert in!

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