Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Bell Jar: How my once favorite tv show is slowly ruining my faith in humanity.

Like many people my age, I grew up in an era of fun and fancy free Saturday mornings curled up on my couch watching the antics of the crazy kids at Bayside High. Yes, Saved By The Bell was my life. So much so, that I would play Saved by The Bell trivia with friends at school. I would love that Channel 11 and TBS both showed episodes after school (TBS would air them on their :05, :35 schedule, because they were weird, but it made it perfect to check out the Channel 11 epi, and then change to TBS without mnissing a beat if you had already seen that one recently).

My senior year of high school, a bunch of my friends dressed up as the chracters up to and including Screech's one-time girlfriend, Violet Bickerstaff, who was played by none other than Tori Spelling. Luckily, they were smart enough to leave out Tori, who for a brief stint in the final season mysteriously replaced both Jesse and Kelly. Those episodes may be some of the worst, but not the absolute worst, because the one where Kelly dumbs Zack for Jeff while Kelly and A.C. Slater sing "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You?" takes that crown. But don't worry, she got hers when she caught him cheating on her at The Attic.

Lately I have been reading many a disturbing thing about our old friend at Bayside. It started about 2 or 3 years ago when I heard about Mario Lopez and Ali Landry geting a divorce after just a month of marriage. Turned out he cheated on her in Mexico during his bachelor party. A.C.? Cheat? On the Doritos Girl? No way Preppy.

Then I got an email from my friend (the Hamptons connection one). A friend from high school (the one who was Violet) knew the girl he cheated with. Attached was a photo. A.C. Slater is slime.

Then I heard about Screech a.k.a Dustin Diamond losing his house. Yea, his residuals from the show aren't really helping. So he's selling t-shirts. Online. The saddest part? He can't even use the name Screech on them. He had to insert and extra "e" for copyright reasons!!!!!!!! Zoinks!


Yesterday, I was reading evidiot.blogspot.com, some dude's blog that is really funny, until I ran into this:

Anyone who doesn't see what is wrong here needs to look closely...

Why do I have the feeling that the Dorito's girl had something to do with this????

Anyway. After watching Name Your Adventure I think dear old Mario deserves a little humiliation.

Maybe he should have to do a ballet dance for Jesse one more time. It was their anniversary after all.

Lastly, today I was reading The Best Week Ever blog which sent me to stereogum.com (who got the pics from College Humor). This is the most disturbing SBTB truth out of all of them, well that and Tiffani Thiessen's boob job. Apparently, the dude who played Mr. Belding, the bumbling principal who always fell victim to Zack's (and eventually the"new class") pranks and misbehavior, likes to party at college dive bars and hit on young chicks.

Exhibit A:

It's ok to shudder in your chair. I know I did. THE HORROR! THE HORROR!!!!!

For more:


I want to make it clear that NONE of these things were on the E! True Hollywood Story. Is it just me? Or is seing Jesse Spano's boobs in Showgirls seeming a little bit less like a big deal now?

At least Mark Paul Gosselar is ok. Sure he want through a chubby phase during "The College Years" but he made it to NYPD Blue and was pretty funny in "Dead Man on Campus" (although watching a brunette Zack smoke from a bong did make me upset, didn't he remember the PSA he shot after Johnny Dakota left his joint in the hallway?)

But I guess it's just a matter of time before he gets arrested for doing a "Time Out"
or something.


Chris said...

Dennis Haskins hosts karaoke at this bar in Burbank called Dimples. My friends used to go there all the time when they lived in LA, just so they could party with Mr. Belding.

Mjones said...


I am officially a woman obsessed. I may have to make a special trip to California just visit sweet old Dick Belding.

My friend held her bachelorette party in Miami. Jesse Spano was "hosting" a club party one night and I made everyone go. Alas, she was a no show. I also heard she once pushed a prgenant lady out of the way for a cab, no joke. Which is yet, another reason why SBTB is ruining my faith in the power of good over evil.