A BILF, a Liar and a Crush: Glorious!

Yesterday was the kind of day that Bono writes about. The weather was absolutely perfect. Not too hot, tons of sunshine and little breeze. That’s right folks, it was drinking weather.

It didn’t surprise me when I received an email mid-afternoon from a friend saying she needed a cocktail STAT. I agreed. So we met up at a local bar, chosen only for it’s glorious outdoor roof deck which lets boozehounds alike drink and smoke under the glorious moonlight. It's glorious!

As we approached the makeshift bar they have set up outside, we both noticed him. A hot barkeep. A BILF if you will (not to be confused with the BILF who works in a bar in Amsterdam, appropriately called “Amsterdamned”). He was talkative and smiled a lot, in a cute, only mildly cocky way. My friend and I were immediately smitten. Drinking weather and a reason to keep ordering drinks. Perfection.

I was almost ready to have a crush. The crush I have been waiting to find for over a year. The one that lasts long term. Then I noticed he was too charming. He was charming everyone, even guys. Basically, he was charming his way into my wallet in hopes of big tips. Luckily I caught this early and only gave him the standard. Damn hustler.

So not crushworthy (I also spotted neck pimples…gross). He was like a mirage. Looked like something I really wanted but turned out to be nonexistent. So it got me thinking. Can I no longer crush because I’m too cynical? Too jaded by the ghosts of dramas past? Or am I picky? Could I have overlooked many a quality guy for stupid reasons? I know I can be quite, well, abrasive to men (only undesirable men) who approach me when I am drunk, but am I that awful?

I choose to think I’m not that evil and that any evilness that comes from me is only a result of an excessive intake of vodka. But I’m sure there are people that will argue with me on that one, including a ton of guys at Cheers London who had o deal with my wrath and the liar I met last night who swore he did promos for Showtime, and when I asked him about one he froze, mumbling something about things being “in development.” Tool.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this all day. And I may sort of have a crush. He’s all wrong, we’ll never EVER be together, and if we did get together it would be more of a disaster than Tom Cruise recent dancing on BET. But something is alluring about this person. I wish I could dish more, but I won’t for fear of incrushinating myself (Jonesy’s friends tend to have big mouths). And I don’t want my friends to find out (even though I think most of them already know). It’s not the die-hard, can’t eat, daydream believer kind of crush. Just an animalistic kind of thing. It’s not serious and I’m sure it will pass. But it’s nice to think that maybe, someday, in a perfect world, it could work out.

In the mean time, I will enjoy the sunshine, the flip-flops, and God Bless Mother Nature, perfect drinking weather. Happy Cinco De Mayo!



Cinco De Mayo = perfect crush weather!