Monday, May 15, 2006

Silly Rabbit...Trix are for kids. Oh wait, can I not have them anymore?

Don't fence me in, bitches!

I am a large child. I have refused to grow up for quite some time. I still play video games. I still read Seventeen (sometimes). I still watch cartoons (Spongebob anyone?) and I still eat Lucky Charms. I sleep in a twin bed. n fact, the shirt I am wearing right now was purchased in the kids department at Old Navy.

When I was in College, Carly and Little would always joke that I was like an overgrown child. Partly because of the food I ate (CoCo puffs and Kraft mac and cheese), partly because I would rock out to 'NSYNC, and partly because, well, I refused to grow up.

I realized yesterday that it was starting to happen. Sometime, somewhere, my Peter Pan thought it would be a good idea to exchange Neverland for the life of corporate drone, and forget about chasing his shadow so he can pay rent.

I am officially a coffee drinker (I hated it growing up). I listen to Lite FM at home sometimes. I just bought a classical music cd. Sometimes I stay at home on Friday nights because I'm tired. I am starting to save money--well not really, I'm starting to pay my debts. I like Sunday morning.

I've been trying to find the source, reasoning or any explanation to my recent changes in lifestyle. I can blame it on work, the fact that after a year and a half of grad school I'm back to the grind and therefore miserable because I'm lazy and I hate work in general. But that's not a good enough excuse because I actually sort of like my job and at least I'm in the right industry now.

I can blame my issues on my friend's recent breakup, like my friend Penny, ( but I know that's not true. I'm just not close enough to the situation to do that.

I can blame it on my family, who l also blame for the three white hairs I picked out of scalp yesterday. Fully white. Thanks for the stress guys.

I can blame it on Lost and Grey's Anatomy for making me spend countless hours on the internet looking for clues and spoilers to their stupid shows.

I can blame it on my boss, my colleagues and my friends, who are now settling into married/almost married/dating life, while I stay behind praying for someone to go out boozing with me.

Translation: This baby rules!

I can blame it on the bossanova, but that would be downright idiocy.

And I do blame it on everyone. Everyone including myself. For the pressure, for making the world move to fast, for not letting me appreciate my childhood while I had it and for making me jealous of the little girl I saw yesterday, who was twirling in her Communion dress like there was not a care in the world.

So I am taking a stance. I am taking my life back and staring all over. I will eat my sugary cereals, fruit snacks and roll ups with glee. I will blast The Spice Girls. I will stop looking for a potential provider and start looking for a soul mate and best friend. I will continue to act like I’m 19 when I’m drunk. I will continue to drink like I’m 19. I will party like it’s 1999.

And I will throw temper tantrums like this one and have to suck it up and continue my drone-like existence. I will continue to grow up, grow old and let’s face it, grow out (I expect the moon to start orbiting my ass once I pop out a few kids).

Ok, I won't grow out that much.

But this I promise, I will never get a mom haircut (short and sort of messy). I will never stop wearing thongs. I will never stop eating Lucky Charms (even if I don’t let my kids have them). And I will never, ever, ever, ever, lose my sense of wonder. Because at this point, it’s sort of all I’ve got.


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