Thursday, March 16, 2006

It's not Festivus, but I figure I'd air my grievances anyway

It started awhile ago. Bored at my old job as an administrative assistant at a marketing company (which means I did a whole lot of nothing), I looked through all of my old emails. My sister had forwarded me an email froma guy friend of hers that was list of things he generally didn't like. Then I got to thinking. This is a pretty decent idea. Send out your personal preferences and dislikes and perhaps, just perhaps you can get them out of your life. So I started to write. And the list was long. So long in fact, that I am not including the entire list in just this one post.

Today, I am verbalizing my grievances. I am sending out my list of things I don't trust, like or things I generally find in bad taste. But only 25 of them. I don't want to bombard the world all at once and or offend to many people on one day (It is St. Patrick's Day Eve after all).

So enjoy and if you find yourself on this list, please leave me alone or change completely. I obviously don't like you very much.

1. Cuba Gooding Jr. - For two reasons. 1. Introducing "Show Me The Money" into the lexicon and for the fact that he went from a total career high to low in about 2 seconds. Even Jon Voight took longer than that.

2. People who carry umbrellas all the time - they're just plain pessimists.

3. Guys who still wear Drakkar Noir - no explanation needed.

4. Anyone who has dated Kate Moss - Because of her million nude photo shoots in W, I've seen her nekkid and I don't need that kind of comparison.

5. Anyone who thinks Leelee Sobieski is attractive or who think her name has a nice ring to it. It's verbal poo to me.

6. Chloe Sevigny. I just seriously dislike her. Period.

7. Greenpeace workers. The stalk people by land, sea and telephone.

8. Adults who play with toy trains (this means you Bobby Baccala), unless they are really cool like the trolly on Mr. Rogers or carry beer.

9. Bob Saget - went from dirty comic to clean cut dad to dirty comic to invisible clean-cut dad. Who are you schizo?

10. The Gap - Have you seen their prices? Do they think they are Express? And does Express think their Saks or something? Bitch please.

11. People whose natural smell (meaning like, not sweaty or anything, just unperfumed) is nasty. And people who stink in general.

12. Anyone over 23 that doesn't get hangovers after a night of drinking. Or maybe I'm just jealous of them.

13. People who hold the elevator for other people when they are just coming through the front door and are checking their mail. Who has that kind of time?

14. Lyndsey Lohan – Is it just me or does that freckle on her lip come and go as she pleases? It’s witchery.

15. People who drink Michelob Ultra as a weight loss method. It’s still beer. Put down the donuts and stop annoying me with your low-carb beverages.

16. Flavor Flav - although fun to watch his omnipresence on TV is just plain frightening.

17. Anyone who wears grillz (see above).

18. People who don’t even have basic cable.

19. Cat people.

20. Anyone who has worked at something called a “dairy.”

21. Anyone who willingly goes on an MTV dating show…NEXT!

22. The French. I truly believe they just sit and laugh and plot against us. I’m gonna do the “I told ya so” dance when a giant crepe is launched in our direction.

23. People who don’t include photos on their myspace, friendster or any of those types of sites. I’m guessing they are hiding the fact they look like a foot.

24. Gaiken. He needs to put his hand on the door knob and turn to get out of that closet.

25. And Finally, people who refer to money as anything other than money, dollars or cash (unless you are in a foreign country and you have to). I think the word "moula" went of style in 1985.

1 comment: