Bravo's Balls

On tonight's Make Me a Supermodel, the wannabe models had to pose nude for an art class. I figured it would be the usual, show them from the neck up, maybe some heiny...um, no.

Apparently Bravo has jumped on the side boob bandwagon. Also they were an inch away from showing pikachu.

I don't want to see side boob Bravo. But I would like to see more of that hot guy, Perry. He better win.

kthxbai.

A-men.

Tiny dancer will burn in hell. This is taken from her 'hot priest" calendar. What's with the bottle of jaeger? And the cig? Amen to both!

I'M GOING TO HOLLYWOOD!

Apparently i auditioned for idol in omaha. Not really but i was watching and this chick is my bizarro twin. I'm going to hollywood!

In case you didn't know...

I'm attempting this thing called "dating." Apparently people go out in public and get to know each other before going home and sexing. Sometimes you get free drinks and dinner! And you don't get shitfaced and forget what happened! WHO KNEW?



Yet another sign of the apocolypse. Start repenting people....

Question...

Does anyone know of any hot spots to meet single men (straight ones)? I know of the obvious ones in Manhatty but I would love to hear some tips on some possible untapped resources.

Lately I've been realizing that I've been recycling way too many guys from the past. I need to meet some new semi-attractive, slightly chubby, hysterically funny guys who are closeted sociopaths with great talents for mind effing me and making me cry. That seems to be my type.

So if anyone has any suggestions, I'm open...

Blarghity blah...

This weekend went by wayyyy to fast. I pray this week flies by. Work, work, work...does it ever end?

In other news, I saw Kathy Griffin at the WaMu Theater at MSG on Saturday. If you ever get the chance to see her ...go!!! She's hysterical.

Anyway, I am in serious need of some drunk this weekend...

I heart Disney tweens...

I just put the Jonas Brothers on my iPod and Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus is now my ring tone.

Yes, I'm 26 and I rock out like a 9-year-old.

And if you don't like it you are a doo-doo head.

Word.

Watermelon bellinis are tasty. At vynl with dm...venting.

Heath Coverage: American Media at its worst

The speculation on these bullshit news shows is redic. They are all just doing this for ratings and the public eats it up.

Personally I'm sticking to the New York Times if I want to learn any other details (which honestly, I really don't, it bums me out).

Sometimes I wish I could shake middle America and explain that there are bigger things out there than celebs. Seriously, most people don't even know who the '08 candidates are or that yes, we are still at war. But if I did, I'd be a hypocrite. I drink the Kool Aid as much as the next guy.

Sure, the untimely death of a mega-star is news, but sadly, it's being exploited for ad dollars.

At least I'm not in England. They are way worse.

I hope i feel better tomorrow.

Watching the asshats on Idol

is not making me feel any better. Let's see if the nachos I ordered help.

Yes. I'm being dramatic. But he was my number one crush.

Signs of the Apocolypse

1. Dustin Diamond becoming a douche.

2. All four Baldwin Brothers on TV shows at the same time

3. Death of Heath Ledger.

Start praying people.

In Memoriam

Check out this post dedicated to Heath, less than one year ago...

An Open Letter...


Or this "If I Could" where I describe my wedding to him (and Robbie Williams at the same time)

I'll be missing you...

1.22.08

The day my biggest celeb crush of all time died. My heart is broken. I will miss you Heath Ledger.

God is mean.

Here are a list of people that God should have taken instead:

1. Jennifer Love Hewitt
2. Jeff Goldblum
3. Carrot Top
4. Britney (she's going anyway)
5. Amy Winehouse (Ditto)
6. Anyone other than Heath Ledger.
7. Julia Effing Stiles

I have legit chest pains and I feel like crying.

RIP Heath. You will always be someone I loved once.


Update: I have not been able to do any work since I found out. I am officially devastated.

Update 2: I'm totally depressed that my niece and soon-to-be nephew will grow up in a world without Heath...

Update 3: I just realized Heath will be in the "In Memoriam" montage during the Oscars. I just want to cry.

Update 4: I'm trying to figure out how to mourn someone I've never even met. I thought about going down to Broome Street but I realize how redic that is.

It feels so nice...

to spend a Friday night in for the first time in what seems like months. TV and sleep are seriously what I need right now! Happy long weekend (to some, I know Mrs. Krabbypatty and DM have to work on Monday)!

I feel you bro.

This up there with Big Red from last year. This song is addictive. London and I decided that if we ever have a hetero-life partner commitment ceremony (when we are 45 and still living together) this will be played. You know this is gonna be on the radio. Enjoy.

Do I or Don't I?

So I've now been on 3 dates with this guy. It's so PG it's rediculous.

The problem is I can't tell if I like him or not. Usually I know right away and I get totally swept up in falling in like. Not this time. I'm numb. He's funny, nice, and pretty effing good looking. What's not to like?

Well, he leaves messages like the guy in that commercial ("Hey. How are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.") and he doesn't watch TV. What am I supposed to do with that?

But he's different than anyone I've ever given a shot before. So I figure I'll keep trying until I get that all consuming feeling or justs top answering his calls until it goes away. God, I hate this getting to know you crap.

Stay tuned...

Sexual Tension x 7 years

In life, I have been generally lucky enough to hook up with almost every guy I've ever wanted to hook up with. Sure there have been the handful that have fallen through my grasp but ever since I took a queue from my good friend Angel in college, I've pretty much gotten a little something from those I set my sights on. Although I'm not counting the repeat here. I have a tendancy to want people years after I hook up with them and they are either taken or simply not into me anymore (from which I can recover pretty quickly with only three exception and those are the three that broke my heart). But overall, I would say I operate at an 85-90% success rate. Which is pretty funny considering that all of my game is built on the fact that I have no game.

Ok, so back in 2001 when I was studying abroad in London I was man crazy. I had a crush on anything with a peen. Within a mile radius. I swore I was going to fall in love that semester and God did I try. I made out with an average of 5 guys every Saturday night. It never happened. No great love story. All I ended up with were some really good stories.

But there was one guy. One guy who I started crushing about three weeks before we left. Sure we had flirted a bunch of time as we were wasted or passing each other in towels after showering (I had to walk a small flight of stairs to the bathroom and the guys had to travel even further). But after awhile I started to majorly want this guy. Long story short, we talked a big game but the two of us couldn't get our shizz together. We were either too preoccupied, too drunk, or too busy hooking up with other people. But we got along so well and had a rediculously obvious sexual tension (so much so that I was banned from saying his name until I saw his peen).The one night we were both ready, willing, able and alone, we got interrupted by his best girl friend in a crying fit. Never one to break the hos over bros bond (I was friends with her too) I let him go off and calm her down. By the time we were ready to DI, his roommate was passed out in the room talking in his sleep. We stayed up talking for hours and it was really weird, turns out we has so much in common. He pretty much got me (that never happens--only two others guys have come close and they are two out of the three who have broken my heart) and it made me angry we hadn't gotten to know each other that well sooner. Not to date, neither of us wanted that, but to become really good friends. At the end of it all, the roommate sort of woke up and we shared a lingering kiss and I sent myself to bed, never to have the opportunity again.

I saw him again when I returned over spring break the next semester to visit another friend. He had told people I was coming to see him that cocky douchebag. We barely hung out and came no where near the chemistry that we had the first time around. And that was that. I figured I would never see him again but every so often around NYC I would swear I saw him. On the subway. In the W. Village when I was in grad school. On Fifth Ave.

Finally through the magic of facebook, we have been put back in touch. We email, we post to each other's walls and we are even violently Superpoking each other. I figured it was no big deal. Until I found out I will be in Chicago in March. Where he lives. Over his birthday weekend.

As I have now been dubbed "the best present ever," I'm getting a little concerned. The sexual tension is running high (even though the years have only accentuated the amibiguity of his sexuality-I still don't think he's gay but others argue) and now I know I will actually see him. And soon.

So what should I do? I know I have to see him but should I even bother exploring the idea of a hook up? I don't want this to go down as big regret (as it has been since that one night. even the girl who innterrupted us has since apologized to me since she knew what we were about to do and how bad we both wanted it) but at the same time, I don't want to get excited for something that won't happen. Or something, according to DM, has the potential of being incredibly dissapointing.

I have two months to decide. But God, all I can think about is how awesome that one kiss was. And how good it feels to finally get what you want, even if it's just sex with no promises of any sort of continuing relationship.

Does anyone else go through this? I just hate thinking that I have another chance to reverse one of the big "What If's" in my life and I might let it go. These chances don't come to often...

Stay tuned.

Oh, and PS: Turns out he was in NYC a bunch of times. It could have been him on the Subway. Who knows?

And now...

I'm back to being in the office five days a week and I wanna go back to Vegas...that city is like a guy who is awesome in bed but a real douche. It makes you feel dirty but you always want more.

No Viva Las Vegas

Can you believe it? I'm still in Vegas. But at least I get to come home tomorrow.



Let's recap all that has happened to me.



1. Went to a party hosted by Perez Hilton and Kristin Cavaleri's 21st bday party (by accident). I saw neither of them. Danced. Drank. Fell in love with the DJ at Cathouse. Realized I hate clubs and the men who inhabit them.



2. Walked up and down the strip several times. That's like 4 miles round trip plus all the walking in the casinos. I better be effing skinny.



3. Rode the deuce. Yes, the bus here is called the deuce. And it's like a tan/gold/brown color. Vegas is stupid.



4. Went to an aquarium. Laughed hilariously while DM freaked when she touched a sting ray. Fell in love with watching jellyfish.



5. We were having the time of our lives. Then we decided (or I decided) to take the Deuce to "Old" Vegas. Um...yea. This is where things literally went to hell. I mean it. If hell exists it'sthe Fremont Street experience. I saw legit crackheads. And drunk hookers. And they were selling 99 cent DEEP FRIED TWINKIES. And then something happened. We decided to play along and get those giant sized margaritas at a place called Le Bayou. A few sips, a few plays on a nickel Monopoly slot. Then....nothing. Black out. The next thing we knew, DM and I were dressed to go out. I didn't feel well and WHAT! My wallet was $140 lighter. Then we remembered we started playing "Deal or No Deal" slots. And decided to pump twenties into it. Then I was just pissed.



Oh yea, and apparently we were roofied or something because I was SICK as a dog all day Sunday. Not really roofied, but c'mon. I have never been that drunk off some cheap margarita. We weren;t even sure if we took a cab or the Deuce home. And we drank like 7 vodka sodas the night before (on top of frozen drinks before we went out). WTF? I hate Old Vegas.



6. Then, doing my work thing, I randomly bumped into Chris Hardwick (former host of Singled Out), Jon Favreau and that bald guy who played Charlotte's second husband on SATC, Evan Handler.



7. Got treated to a really nice dinner at Wing Lei in the Wynn...sweet!



8. Learned that Vegas is not like NYC and people do NOT know how to appropriately use a monorail.



That is all.

Help me....

I've been in Vegas for three days now. I want to come home!!! DM just left me and now I have to go to two days of meetings out here...HELP! This city is depraved and scary. I feel like I'm a CSI victim waiting to happen.

PS I have seen hell and it is "Old" Vegas. The one drink I had there has almost killed me and I seriously need to consider full time sobriety.

Happy 2008!

First post of the year. Here's to more mayhem in 2008...I already have two skinned knees from last night so I'm sure my upcoming Vegas trip will provide enough fodder for posts for January.