A Friendly PSA: DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE

In the early 1990s, my sister and I used to snuggle and watch USA's night time program "Up All Night." They had a big boobied host who would show crappy B-movies. One night, at around 11 pm, we tuned in to see they were airing "My Bloody Valentine" a 1981 horror film about mass murders in a mining town.

We did not live anywhere near miners, coal and/or killers, but I assure you, that movie scared the Jebus out of us. To this day, we cannot year the song "My Funny Valentine" without getting scared. The sight of a pick axe gives me goose bumps. For years, we have made jokes of this movie and how scary it is just to cover up the fact that sometimes at night we still remember how effing scared we were.

FOR SHAME LIONSGATE! How could you do this to us! Make a re-make of the movie that has forever made me a scaredy cat. And who do you cast? JACK FROM DAWSON'S CREEK! WTF? Are you trying to hurt my feelings?

And how do you shoot the movie? IN 3 EFFING D!!!! No, it wasn;t scary enough the first time. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, you had to go and make it way scarier. Lionsgate, you are just mean and cruel and I hate you.

So please, I urge you all. Do not attempt this cinematic adventure. You will only regret it FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

"The Century Plant"

Best part about the Twilight movie? Fritzy from the movie Camp is in it. Oh, wait. Have you not heard of Fritzy or Camp? Oh, then you obviously aren't a gay man or an unemployed blogger with too much time on her hands.

Fritzy sabotages a girl at her show tunes camp so she can sing a song from Company:


Here is a taste:



Here's more...



And then the real tour de force. I present the strangest song ever:





You're Welcome.

If you needed any other incentive to vote....

http://perezhilton.com/2008-11-03-the-best-voting-gift-of-all

My liver is starting to train tomorrow.

Just realized the 2009 NYC marathon will be the day after Halloween. It's the perfect storm of partying. Yay! Crap.

This is why breast feeding scares me.

<

I wish I had an element bring me a cupcake.

Instead I'll settle for the cartoon.

http://www.strindbergandhelium.com/

Oh hai.

DM told me she missed my blog. One would think that in my state of unemployment I would have tons to write about but no, not in my case. I'm bored and all I do is watch TV and stalk the internets for jobs.

In an attempt at a post, here are a few things I've learned since getting the ax.

1. No matter how old you are, it is not okay to fart loudly in public. (Hear that old man who butt trumpeted in Central Park?)
2. Barack Obama was an angsty teen who drank and did drugs and played basketball. Sounds like many people I know so it makes him a little bit cooler in my book.
3. Degrassi is addictive and ridiculous and I love it, even if it is Canadian.
4. Spending a month watching every episode of That 70s show just to finally see the finale (which you will then remember you have seen before) can be fun, but not many people will share your enthusiasm.
5. Without booze, birthdays in your 20s suck.
6. The one place where all people are equal is the New York State Unemployment Office.
7. The price of good cheese is high, and worth every penny.


So keep your fingers crossed kiddies. Maybe if I get a job my life will become interesting enough to actually write about again.

I bet you feel like Sean & Jayden...

all neglected and shizz. Sorry people. The whole losing a job thing blows serious cheese. I've been freelancing for a bit but that ends tomorrow and I will be back in business with WAY too much time on my hands. So get PSYCHED for more of my random dribbles of awesometudity.

Anywho, Q has a job. And a blog. That she actually updates. So start checking out gingervision.blogspot.com. She's a hoot and she has pretty big hooters. You will enjoy.

Also, I'm most likely going to be starting another blog, an even more awesome one that actually makes sense and isn't about my personal life so get psyched for that too. You'll know more when I get off my ass and work on it.

In the meantime, start slow clapping, like one clap every 4 hours. By the time you get to a full applause I will post something worthwhile.

IT'S A GIRL!

Spanish & Homer have brought a beautiful baby girl into the world! Yay! I haven't met her yet, but I've seena photo and she's just lovely!

ANTM: More than one transgendered contestant?

Or does Marjorie from the new cycle of ANTM kind of look like Bastian from The Neverending Story?

Exhibit A

http://www.alicia-logic.com/capspages/caps_viewall.asp?titleid=67


Exhibit B

http://www.tvguide.com/tvshows/americas-model/photos/100032/2


I wish I had a screencap to further my case.

Laborious Labor

Spanish is in labor right now. She is trying to birth the child that she and Homer created, that I have fondly called baby Beer for the past 8 months.

Wish her luck. She's been feeling this since early in the AM, the poor thing.

In honor of this great event, I am debating what this child will now be referred to on the blog. Hanish? Spomer? Or something else entirely? Don't judge. I need to distract myself while I await the news of this new addition!

Dear Prison Break,

I love you again.

Love,

Me

I'm a Libra but my scales are always tipping.

I was hopeful when I turned 26. Thought this year would finally bring everything I've been working/praying for.

Started out on a shitty note with an experience that was just a little shy of heartbreak. Then, the corporate stars aligned and I got promoted. Yay!

I started working with a co-worker who seemed to have some sort of vendetta against me from another life. Then, hooray, my nephew was born! Another reason to celebrate!

Then, I got really drunk at a friend's bachelorette and fell down, skinning my knee and elbow. Boo. At the end of June, I took a vacation just to clear my head and get things done around the house. Yay for time off...oh wait, shouldn't this be awesome?

Day three of vacation, find out my job no longer exists. Three days later, find out my dog is dying and is going to be put to sleep. A week later, find out that promised freelance work is a glorified internship and I'm stuck with 21-year-olds for two months.

I think it's time for my scales to tip up, not to put me on a high, just to make me balanced, the way I like, and apparently need, to be.

So can someone out there make something slightly good happen to me? Like a job or a new crush (although that heartbreak earlier in my 26th year has come back to haunt me--I'm a glutton for punishment) or anything like that? Pleeeeeeeeaaaseeeeeeeeee?

The Bard is rolling over in his grave.

I attempted to watch the 2000 version of Hamlet, the one with a less-hungry/cracky looking Ethan Hawke. About 2 minutes in I was disturbed/vomity/pissed when they showes a flash of none other than J.S. as Ophelia.

She continues to ruin my life, one play/movie at a time.

Congrats!

Q got a new job! After bringing her into the company at my last job, I felt bad when we were all laid off four months later. Read about it here.

Now chickadees, what am I going to do with myself? I've got a freelance gig for now which is helping to keep me off unemployment. Hopefully OMG EW THERE WAS JUST A BIG BUG ON MY BED GROSS my dream job is right around the corner and the will recognize my talent and hire me immediately. The reality: I'll be stuck doing freelance for a long time since not too many people are hiring and competition is stiff and I really don't think I'm that good at this life anyway so maybe I should consider something else.

And that's my Debbie Downer post of the day. Wa Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm not trying to be sensitive...

but you would think they would at least wait until all the recently laid off employees finished up their assignments and left the building before putting new name tags up...

Thus ends my magazine career...for now. In other news, I've become a recent alcoholic due to the whole I'm freelancing so I can go to work looking like a hot mess idea...oops.

Great Moments in IM Coversations:

Q is meeting someone who has a job in journalism (unlike us since we both got canned like Spam) for a beer (yes, I edited the convo):


me: get him to get you a job
show him your boobs

Q: hahaha

Q: im serious
tell him he tweak a nip when you get a job

Q: HAHAHAHAHA
you're bad

Q: ugh what should i wear

me: tassles

Q: party pasties

me: not party
but like maybe you have preppy pasties?
posh pasties?

Q: lily pulitzer ones

me: WORD

Q: pulitzer pasties

me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

EFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

My magazine folded today. I am officially unemployed. PLEASE HELP! The thought of moving in with my mom, sister, bro-in-law and baby niece is a little too Full House for me. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

My computer

is pretty much broken and I can't blog at work...so no new posts until that gets fixed sorry.

And I have a good one about me going back to gym and everything.

Booze bags are not sexy

Just remembered that I was drinking straight from a huge bottle of Magner's Cider on Saturday night. I think that totally negates my awesome blowout and adorable outfit. I think I scared boys.