Back In Business

After a year of being a poor freelancer, I have accepted a really cool job at a really cool company. My rule is I don't write about work, but I'm super excited to get off of my bed and back in an office. Plus a steady paycheck won't hurt! Yay!

PSA: QUIET! PLEASE!

Since last Thursday, my internet has been busted in my apartment. Due to my lack of job situation, I have to utilize the free WiFi at my neighborhood library instead of paying to work out of Starbucks (which I did one day and ended up stinking like a Colombian brew house).

I'll start this post off on a good note by saying I'm happy that the WiFi is free (or that our tax $ is covering it). Also, my branch has a great spot to sit and use your laptop, complete with power strip so my battery doesn't die.

BUT. And this is a big BUT. I recall learning that one must be quiet in a public library as not to disturb the other people doing research/reading/working. I mean, we had a library class in grade school where we learned this. My hometown had signs that reminded people to be quiet.

Apparently that is not the case at the Columbus Branch here on 10th Ave. Here are some things that have happened to me in total of 5 hours I have spent here:

1. Sat down to a woman talking to herself, loudly. Seems she and her other personalities were having a disagreement.
2. Sat across from a man working on his laptop. This would seem normal, except he was hacking up chunks of lung all over everyone.
3. Teenage/Tweenage boys sat at the public computer next to me and started to read MySpace pages out loud. At one point one started talking about this young woman's "boobs." He had obviously never touched one.
4.A young woman called her friends over to a public computer and read aloud her IM conversation. She did the voices and everything. At full volume.
5. Today, another young woman is browsing MySpace pages. People have songs on their pages. She is listening to the songs. They are bad, loud, disruptive songs.

This is just a taste. All of this goes on while I try to get my freelance assignments done so I can (maybe?) get paid and make rent without dipping into my savings. So before I go all crazy Ghostbusters library ghost on these people, I like to go with a little Carl Winslow and say to myself "Three, Two, One. One, Two, Three. What the heck is bothering me?"

It's not working. What's bothering me is the screeching of chairs and the slamming of books and bags and the bad disruptive music that this girl is listening to AS I WRITE THIS. And I have my iPod on.

Any tips on not going crazy on these people? Because I'm a few seconds from standing on my chair and screaming profanities.

Oh hai.

DM told me she missed my blog. One would think that in my state of unemployment I would have tons to write about but no, not in my case. I'm bored and all I do is watch TV and stalk the internets for jobs.

In an attempt at a post, here are a few things I've learned since getting the ax.

1. No matter how old you are, it is not okay to fart loudly in public. (Hear that old man who butt trumpeted in Central Park?)
2. Barack Obama was an angsty teen who drank and did drugs and played basketball. Sounds like many people I know so it makes him a little bit cooler in my book.
3. Degrassi is addictive and ridiculous and I love it, even if it is Canadian.
4. Spending a month watching every episode of That 70s show just to finally see the finale (which you will then remember you have seen before) can be fun, but not many people will share your enthusiasm.
5. Without booze, birthdays in your 20s suck.
6. The one place where all people are equal is the New York State Unemployment Office.
7. The price of good cheese is high, and worth every penny.


So keep your fingers crossed kiddies. Maybe if I get a job my life will become interesting enough to actually write about again.

I'm a Libra but my scales are always tipping.

I was hopeful when I turned 26. Thought this year would finally bring everything I've been working/praying for.

Started out on a shitty note with an experience that was just a little shy of heartbreak. Then, the corporate stars aligned and I got promoted. Yay!

I started working with a co-worker who seemed to have some sort of vendetta against me from another life. Then, hooray, my nephew was born! Another reason to celebrate!

Then, I got really drunk at a friend's bachelorette and fell down, skinning my knee and elbow. Boo. At the end of June, I took a vacation just to clear my head and get things done around the house. Yay for time off...oh wait, shouldn't this be awesome?

Day three of vacation, find out my job no longer exists. Three days later, find out my dog is dying and is going to be put to sleep. A week later, find out that promised freelance work is a glorified internship and I'm stuck with 21-year-olds for two months.

I think it's time for my scales to tip up, not to put me on a high, just to make me balanced, the way I like, and apparently need, to be.

So can someone out there make something slightly good happen to me? Like a job or a new crush (although that heartbreak earlier in my 26th year has come back to haunt me--I'm a glutton for punishment) or anything like that? Pleeeeeeeeaaaseeeeeeeeee?

Congrats!

Q got a new job! After bringing her into the company at my last job, I felt bad when we were all laid off four months later. Read about it here.

Now chickadees, what am I going to do with myself? I've got a freelance gig for now which is helping to keep me off unemployment. Hopefully OMG EW THERE WAS JUST A BIG BUG ON MY BED GROSS my dream job is right around the corner and the will recognize my talent and hire me immediately. The reality: I'll be stuck doing freelance for a long time since not too many people are hiring and competition is stiff and I really don't think I'm that good at this life anyway so maybe I should consider something else.

And that's my Debbie Downer post of the day. Wa Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm not trying to be sensitive...

but you would think they would at least wait until all the recently laid off employees finished up their assignments and left the building before putting new name tags up...

Thus ends my magazine career...for now. In other news, I've become a recent alcoholic due to the whole I'm freelancing so I can go to work looking like a hot mess idea...oops.

Great Moments in IM Coversations:

Q is meeting someone who has a job in journalism (unlike us since we both got canned like Spam) for a beer (yes, I edited the convo):


me: get him to get you a job
show him your boobs

Q: hahaha

Q: im serious
tell him he tweak a nip when you get a job

Q: HAHAHAHAHA
you're bad

Q: ugh what should i wear

me: tassles

Q: party pasties

me: not party
but like maybe you have preppy pasties?
posh pasties?

Q: lily pulitzer ones

me: WORD

Q: pulitzer pasties

me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

EFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

My magazine folded today. I am officially unemployed. PLEASE HELP! The thought of moving in with my mom, sister, bro-in-law and baby niece is a little too Full House for me. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

Blehrghksdkh

That's what my coughing sounds like. I seem to ave caught the NYC plague and am home sick today. Yet, I still find myself checking work emails constantly. I finally had to ask that they include someone else from my department on the emails because there is no way I can do this work from home. Will I ever get a break? I guess it's my fault for checking in...

Blarghity blah...

This weekend went by wayyyy to fast. I pray this week flies by. Work, work, work...does it ever end?

In other news, I saw Kathy Griffin at the WaMu Theater at MSG on Saturday. If you ever get the chance to see her ...go!!! She's hysterical.

Anyway, I am in serious need of some drunk this weekend...

At long last...

I started my new job last week.

I am either going to rock at this or go down in flames...please pray it's the former.

So for now, no blogging from work. But I will say it's weird to not be working for one particular person. I've grown so accustomed to being someone's assistant that I'm not sure how I will fare for myself out here in the real world, where I actually have deadlines and have to manage my time.

On a funny note, on my last day at the old gig, my boss high-fived me goodbye. No handshake, no awkward hug...he gave me a high five and said "Good job!"

He also insulted me like 5 time in a toast he made at my farewell luncheon. Oh well...on to bigger and better things!

I forgot to mention...

I GOT A NEW JOB!!!

Gone are the days where my boss is screaming after me like I'm Lloyd from Entourage.

Say farewell to the days of my boss's son asking me if I'm 35, or have a husband, or have babies.

Hasta la vista to the days where my boss asks if I've had a Valentine in the past few years.

Peace out to the annoying lady who doesn't know how to use Excel or make labels in Word even though we have computer training classes.

Siyanara to the lady who once told me I have a muffin top (I didn't).

Aloha to the guy who reeks of Drakkar Noir cologne like it's 1995.

Buh Bye to the lady who always farts really bad when I'm in the bathroom.

Godspeed to the lady who I have to avoid taking an elevator with, as she is the worst close talker in the history of all time (One day I could taste her breakfast from her breath).

FInally, Adios to the days of blogging at work, because from what I can tell, I will be the busiest of bees in my new position. But I won't be too far!


PS: A special shout out to Spanish's gall bladder, which will be leaving us on August 10th. I'll be sure to pour out some bile for you. I'll be missing you.

Guess Who's Coming to Drinking?

Oh yes kiddies, it's that time of year again. Jonesy v. the Hamptons. Place your bets now. Here are some things to loook forward to...

This weekend is intended to be a shitshow of mass proportions. Similar to that of this girl's Awesomefest series. Some of you know about last year's magnificent trip out east. This year, I have been promised an even broader cast of characters includding Penny and pretty much everyone listed in her cast of characters. I have been told there will be drinking in mass quantities, including my introduction to the Stoli-bomb. Let's all pray I don't embarass myself while trying to pole-dance on a giant pink coulumn inside the Drift (which is actually Guide-hotspot, my hell, Neptunes during the day).

I will be venturing on the beach for the first time since last August, my pale skin begging for sun exposure. Kids, I'm so white, I glow. My sister compared my leg to my neice's (FYI-she has never seen direct sun) and the color was pretty much the same.

I am going happily, as this week has been very tough work-wise. Not only did my boss come back from his week off in order to give me tons of stuff to do, but I am also praying for a promotion to a position that opened up last week. I also have something else in the works (which will come to a close this Friday, just in time for my weekend escape) that will hopefully work out very soon!

So again, place your bets now kids, who will triumph? Will I take on the Hamtpons in pro-form without any embarassing moments that involve vomit/pee or spilling liquid of any kind? Will I avoid taking photos that make me look like I have 8 chins and 6 months prego? Or will The Hamptons beat my ass into submission, making me cry "UNCLE!" while I dance violently to quality tunes at 4 am?

I'll give you a hint. The Hamptons always wins.

I would categorize this as a flame.

WHY DO THEY MAKE PEOPLE WORK ON THE 5TH OF JULY IT ONLY RUINS THEIR 4TH BECAUSE THEY CAN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING THAT'S TOO FUN AND NOBODY'S HERE SO WHY AM I? THIS IS SO STUPID I HATE IT AND I JUST WANT TO GO HOME. AND WHY AM I NOT ALLOWED TO TAKE OFF BECAUSE MY BOSS TOOK THE WHOLE WEEK OFF AND HE NEEDS ME HERE TO DO NOTHING BUT JUST IN CASE BUT EVERYONE IS ON vACATION AND I AM SITTING HERE AND THE PHONE IS NOT RINGING THIS IS SO STUPID.


I hate today.

March Madness

Is it just me or has this been one of the most wild weeks ever? Due to some job stuff I've been on crazy edge which as a result I have proven to alienate most of the people around me, most of which know that when crap like this happens just ignore it and I will get back into my proper senses.

People got engaged, babies were born, people are losing jobs and more serious crap...all this week. It's like a clusterfuck of crazy happenings, all big, all exciting, some good, some bad. It's a tornado of events leading to everyone I know begging for the weekend to come so they can a) get crazy drunk or b) sleep.

It's hard to get into detail without giving away who people are or breaking someone's trust but believe you me...I wouldn't be surprised if someone told me the sky is falling.

Ok enough seriousness...have I mentioned that I watched my boss kiss his son on the lips,like a peck but still? I don't have brothers...is this normal?