that every time I walk into the living room when London or TD is watching 24 I always see a random actor?
Ok, ok I know. I should watch the show. The fact of the matter is, I already watch too much TV and if I try to catch up on five seasons and add something else into the mix I'm going to be plastered to my couch forever. But really, the show has piqued my interest lately with its crazy mix of random actors whose names I don't know including Audrey from Vegas Vacation, Montgomery McNeil from Fame/Dr. Romano from ER, Gabriel Demas (ok, I know his name is Eric Balfour) from Six Feet Under, Cyril O'Reilly from Oz, and the guy with the strange accent from Ghostbusters 2/Ally McBeal.
Perhaps I will have some catching up to do this summer. But only after I celebrate what I am now dubbing DAWSON'S CREEKENDS! I have decided that over every weekend for the next few months I will watch every episode of Dawson's Creek, from start to finish. Seriously. Every. last. one. This means 128 episodes including the 2-hour finale.
In order to complete my DAWSONS CREEKENDS! I will need to obtain Seasons 5 & 6 on DVD. Donations will be accepted. Anyone interested in participating can contact me at missjonesblog@hotmail.com. Or if you are one of those special people who actually know me, just pick up the phone and call.
Yes, I have no life.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
"GET THE CHAMPAGNE!"
Ok, so this girl is psycho. And is it just me, or does one of the the bridesmaids look like one of those manly triplets from MTV's Super Sweet 16?
I think this could be fake, but if not, God help the poor groom.
Take note Future Mrs. KrabbyPatty-if you pull a stunt like this we will be laughing at you.
And full credit goes to Spanish, for sending this link.
I Need a Hero...
Anyone else share this sentiment? It seems that everyday heroes are popping up everywhere these days. From Wesley Autrey to Hiro Nakamura it seems like everyone else is getting their fill of valiant efforts made by regular folks. But not me (well, maybe I get a little from Hiro, since he makes me laugh out loud every Monday night).
Sure I've had my brush with the amazing every so often. Take my normally lax superintendent for example. A small rodent, who I'll call Mickey, decided to invade my apartment a few weeks ago when I was gone for the weekend. London caught a glimpse of the little fellow and given her past history with these little creatures she wasn't having anything to do with them. When I came back to my apartment after a long relaxing weekend in the 'chester, I spotted sticky traps neatly lined in front of her door and strategically placed in the kitchen. I didn't even say hello.
Me: No!!!!!
London: Yes.
Me: When.
London: Saturday night.
Me: Where?
London: Under the couch and into my room
Me: Nooooooooooo! Not again! Sweet Jesus, not again.
End Scene.
Monday night, during the greatest night of TV ever, Mickey decided to come over, unannounced and uninvited. I watched her little brown bod scurry to his demise in one of London sticky traps. As he writhed around (I admit, I felt really bad, ya know, 'cause all God's creatures have a place in the choir) I screamed.
Me: London!!!!
London: What?
Me: It's in a trap!
London: What????
Me: It's stuck...what do I do?
London: I don't know.
Me: EW EW EW It's looking at me!
London: Call the super.
Luckily, my phone was in my lap so I could avoid having to get up and face any of Mickey's friends. I called the super. I kid you not. The same man who told us to clean out our cabinets so he could fill the holes in our walls and then took 3 weeks to do anything about it. When I explained the problem he said, "I'll be right up." That night he became, in my bright hazel eyes, Super Super, my hero.
Flash to Paris, end of August, 2001. It's a late night. Jonesy has imbibed many glasses of French wine and a bottle of French beer that looked like a forty ounce (which she stole from a cabaret, the cabaret during which she yelled "DEEP THROAT IT!" to the sword swallower...oops.) Jonesy and a few others get separated from their tour group. One of the others is a girl from San Diego who has never drank before and decides to go up to random people on the street and ask for directions. One of these people, a surly looking French fellow decides to grab Jonesy and start taking her away from the group. Luckily, when I'm drunk, I'm very loud, so when I shouted "LET GO!" a member of the group, Boston College Dave (who did not attend BC) came running to her rescue and pulled out a pocket knife, almost like he was in The Outsiders. He was my SodaPop that night and I will never forget that.
Beyond that I got nothing. Nothing beyond what I see on TV. And what I see on TV is glorious. One hero for everyday of the week:
Sunday:
Source
Titus Pullo and Marcus Veroneus on HBO's Rome. Both have killed for the women they love...HOT!
Monday:
Source
Totally trying to right wrongs done to their families and the women they love (RIP Veronica).
And let's face it, what lady doesn't mind that Linc the sink always has his top button undone?
Tuesday:
Source
Christopher Meloni, Law & Order: SVU. Angry cop with a temper. Also seen with full frontal on OZ as an angry prisoner with a temper. Either way, I'll take it.
Wednesday:
Source
Dr. Jack Shepard. Even though I have a love/hate relationship with Lost (which is more hate right now) but still, he's pretty. I would let him save me any day.
Thursday:
Source
No need for words. P. Demps. So hot right now.
Friday:
Source
Basic cable hot: this guy from Psych. Very observant and funny. Reason enough to rethink going out on Friday nights.
Saturday:
Well, there really isn't any new TV on Saturday nights and lord knows I wouldn't let any of those messes on SNL save me. So I guess I'll have to be my own hero on Saturday nights, albeit a drunk one, but a hero nonetheless. Until I find a real one...
Sure I've had my brush with the amazing every so often. Take my normally lax superintendent for example. A small rodent, who I'll call Mickey, decided to invade my apartment a few weeks ago when I was gone for the weekend. London caught a glimpse of the little fellow and given her past history with these little creatures she wasn't having anything to do with them. When I came back to my apartment after a long relaxing weekend in the 'chester, I spotted sticky traps neatly lined in front of her door and strategically placed in the kitchen. I didn't even say hello.
Me: No!!!!!
London: Yes.
Me: When.
London: Saturday night.
Me: Where?
London: Under the couch and into my room
Me: Nooooooooooo! Not again! Sweet Jesus, not again.
End Scene.
Monday night, during the greatest night of TV ever, Mickey decided to come over, unannounced and uninvited. I watched her little brown bod scurry to his demise in one of London sticky traps. As he writhed around (I admit, I felt really bad, ya know, 'cause all God's creatures have a place in the choir) I screamed.
Me: London!!!!
London: What?
Me: It's in a trap!
London: What????
Me: It's stuck...what do I do?
London: I don't know.
Me: EW EW EW It's looking at me!
London: Call the super.
Luckily, my phone was in my lap so I could avoid having to get up and face any of Mickey's friends. I called the super. I kid you not. The same man who told us to clean out our cabinets so he could fill the holes in our walls and then took 3 weeks to do anything about it. When I explained the problem he said, "I'll be right up." That night he became, in my bright hazel eyes, Super Super, my hero.
Flash to Paris, end of August, 2001. It's a late night. Jonesy has imbibed many glasses of French wine and a bottle of French beer that looked like a forty ounce (which she stole from a cabaret, the cabaret during which she yelled "DEEP THROAT IT!" to the sword swallower...oops.) Jonesy and a few others get separated from their tour group. One of the others is a girl from San Diego who has never drank before and decides to go up to random people on the street and ask for directions. One of these people, a surly looking French fellow decides to grab Jonesy and start taking her away from the group. Luckily, when I'm drunk, I'm very loud, so when I shouted "LET GO!" a member of the group, Boston College Dave (who did not attend BC) came running to her rescue and pulled out a pocket knife, almost like he was in The Outsiders. He was my SodaPop that night and I will never forget that.
Beyond that I got nothing. Nothing beyond what I see on TV. And what I see on TV is glorious. One hero for everyday of the week:
Sunday:
Source
Titus Pullo and Marcus Veroneus on HBO's Rome. Both have killed for the women they love...HOT!
Monday:
Source
Totally trying to right wrongs done to their families and the women they love (RIP Veronica).
And let's face it, what lady doesn't mind that Linc the sink always has his top button undone?
Tuesday:
Source
Christopher Meloni, Law & Order: SVU. Angry cop with a temper. Also seen with full frontal on OZ as an angry prisoner with a temper. Either way, I'll take it.
Wednesday:
Source
Dr. Jack Shepard. Even though I have a love/hate relationship with Lost (which is more hate right now) but still, he's pretty. I would let him save me any day.
Thursday:
Source
No need for words. P. Demps. So hot right now.
Friday:
Source
Basic cable hot: this guy from Psych. Very observant and funny. Reason enough to rethink going out on Friday nights.
Saturday:
Well, there really isn't any new TV on Saturday nights and lord knows I wouldn't let any of those messes on SNL save me. So I guess I'll have to be my own hero on Saturday nights, albeit a drunk one, but a hero nonetheless. Until I find a real one...
Friday, January 19, 2007
"I do a little bit of karokey every so often...."
I know at least one person is going to yell at me for posting anything American Idol related...but c'mon.
Why am I waiting for Paul Bearer to come walking in with an urn...
A New Year...
Sorry I've been so absent folks. Any of you who actually know me know that there has been a lot going on lately. But like they say excuses are like butts...so here goes.
In 2007, I've decided to work on a few things. Here's a briefing:
1. Go back to the gym. After a long hiatus I've realized that I have to get my ass back in the gym. Literally, my ass needs to go before it gets any bigger. Besides I bet Laverne misses me.
2. Get more organized. Still working on getting my ducks in a row but so far so good!
3. Get a new bed. Yes, my bed is still broken and on the floor. But without some help, it's staying that way. And yes, it's still a twin. But considering I'm the only one who sleeps in it, no one sees this a rush situation.
4. Watch less tv and take advantage of my surroundings more. Who are we kidding? I should cross this off right now.
5. Go on vacation. A real one. That requires at least taking 3-4 days off of work.
6. Upgrade. Meaning: new bed, new digitial camera, new wardrobe.
7. Number 7 is the step before number 6 and 5, but hey, I have credit cards so we won't hold our breath for this one. Get a promotion/raise and or better job that will pay me enough to have a normal life. I got a raise in September. I didn't talk about it because I JUST realized this recently while looking at some pay stubs. That's how huge it was. Awesome.
8. Have more fun. I want to do more fun things that I never thought I would do. Like bungee jumping or sky diving. But again, that requires number 7 to happen.
9. Drink less. This one isn't the most fun, but it will lead to less embarassment and injury to myself and others.
10. Stop making stupid lists on my blog when I have nothing else to write about.
In 2007, I've decided to work on a few things. Here's a briefing:
1. Go back to the gym. After a long hiatus I've realized that I have to get my ass back in the gym. Literally, my ass needs to go before it gets any bigger. Besides I bet Laverne misses me.
2. Get more organized. Still working on getting my ducks in a row but so far so good!
3. Get a new bed. Yes, my bed is still broken and on the floor. But without some help, it's staying that way. And yes, it's still a twin. But considering I'm the only one who sleeps in it, no one sees this a rush situation.
4. Watch less tv and take advantage of my surroundings more. Who are we kidding? I should cross this off right now.
5. Go on vacation. A real one. That requires at least taking 3-4 days off of work.
6. Upgrade. Meaning: new bed, new digitial camera, new wardrobe.
7. Number 7 is the step before number 6 and 5, but hey, I have credit cards so we won't hold our breath for this one. Get a promotion/raise and or better job that will pay me enough to have a normal life. I got a raise in September. I didn't talk about it because I JUST realized this recently while looking at some pay stubs. That's how huge it was. Awesome.
8. Have more fun. I want to do more fun things that I never thought I would do. Like bungee jumping or sky diving. But again, that requires number 7 to happen.
9. Drink less. This one isn't the most fun, but it will lead to less embarassment and injury to myself and others.
10. Stop making stupid lists on my blog when I have nothing else to write about.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
VOTE OR DIE
I'm not Diddy and I can't fly around with the US Constitution in my provate plane to my white party, BUT I can implore you all to vote for one of my favorite funnymen of all time, Mitch Hedberg. RIP Mitch, we miss the laughs!!
PS For those of you who go to this site a vote for Dane Cook you are lame. 1. Because Dane Cook is alive. 2. Because yes, Dane Cook is hysterical, but he's a live and has his own HBO special that is on every other 5 minutes. Watch Mitch Hedberg, sadly, he won't be making any HBO specials for you to chuckle at. Bitches.
PS For those of you who go to this site a vote for Dane Cook you are lame. 1. Because Dane Cook is alive. 2. Because yes, Dane Cook is hysterical, but he's a live and has his own HBO special that is on every other 5 minutes. Watch Mitch Hedberg, sadly, he won't be making any HBO specials for you to chuckle at. Bitches.
Monday, January 08, 2007
I might as well join the team...
I was thinking today about my beloved Mets. And how much my life is like a reflection of them. I guess it's a curse. Let me explain:
1. Consider my family. Sure my mom is one of the oldest, but she's also one of the best so she's like Glavine. Then you have the superstars who may be complete opposites but man do they play well together, so I guess my sisters are like Wright and Reyes. Then you have the newest addition who shows a lot of promise but has a lot to learn about the game, and while she may not have braids, in a way, my baby niece is like Lastings Milledge. My dad, well, he's a Yankee...so he doesn't really work in this analogy. Then you have me...the real superstar, who is there for the team, who likes attention, and who really wishes they would have swung at that last pitch in the NLCS...just like Carlos Beltran, except I don't switch hit.
2. My life...sure, for awhile things looked good for everyone in New York but me...with a few blips if greatness here or there. But finally, finally, things look like they just might come together.
3. When I was little and I did something good, I would get an apple. It didn't come out of a top hat but you get the drift.
4. Sometimes it seems like everyone around me is rooting for someone else.
5. I have been home to some really good looking (D. Wright!) and fugly (Jeromy Burnitz anyone?) players.
6. With my new workout regime I plan on implementing soon, I, too, will have a new stadium (OK that was a reach...)
So anyway, with that, I renew my commitment to the NYM for the 2007 season. See you at Shea kids!
1. Consider my family. Sure my mom is one of the oldest, but she's also one of the best so she's like Glavine. Then you have the superstars who may be complete opposites but man do they play well together, so I guess my sisters are like Wright and Reyes. Then you have the newest addition who shows a lot of promise but has a lot to learn about the game, and while she may not have braids, in a way, my baby niece is like Lastings Milledge. My dad, well, he's a Yankee...so he doesn't really work in this analogy. Then you have me...the real superstar, who is there for the team, who likes attention, and who really wishes they would have swung at that last pitch in the NLCS...just like Carlos Beltran, except I don't switch hit.
2. My life...sure, for awhile things looked good for everyone in New York but me...with a few blips if greatness here or there. But finally, finally, things look like they just might come together.
3. When I was little and I did something good, I would get an apple. It didn't come out of a top hat but you get the drift.
4. Sometimes it seems like everyone around me is rooting for someone else.
5. I have been home to some really good looking (D. Wright!) and fugly (Jeromy Burnitz anyone?) players.
6. With my new workout regime I plan on implementing soon, I, too, will have a new stadium (OK that was a reach...)
So anyway, with that, I renew my commitment to the NYM for the 2007 season. See you at Shea kids!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
New Year Hilarity
I finally made it through a New Year's Eve without incident (except for my sister's OBVIOUS cheating during a late night game of Friends Scene-it). Others were not as lucky. Please refer to the following email I received from a friend today:
"For those that are unaware, there is a song entitled 'From Paris to
Berlin' in which the chorus repeats: "From Paris to Berlin, every disco
I go in, my heart is pumping for love, pumping for love"
New years eve is well underway and the cocktails are flowing, when I
receive a text from [redacted] that read 'From Paris to Berlin, every
disco I go in'. Knowing the song and the next line I type 'My heart is
pumping for love' to send in reply. After typing the message I then need
to select who is going to receive the message and as I always put
people's last names in my phone, I search for [redacted]. Because I was so
rushed to get back to playing Jenga, I accidentally send to [redacted, but something close to the other name...(my boss).
So to summarize I sent a text to my boss that said 'My heart is pumping
for love'
Anyway,
I hope your 2007s are off to a better start than mine.
Happy New Year!"
Here's to a heart full of pumping love in 2007 (but not for our bosses!)
"For those that are unaware, there is a song entitled 'From Paris to
Berlin' in which the chorus repeats: "From Paris to Berlin, every disco
I go in, my heart is pumping for love, pumping for love"
New years eve is well underway and the cocktails are flowing, when I
receive a text from [redacted] that read 'From Paris to Berlin, every
disco I go in'. Knowing the song and the next line I type 'My heart is
pumping for love' to send in reply. After typing the message I then need
to select who is going to receive the message and as I always put
people's last names in my phone, I search for [redacted]. Because I was so
rushed to get back to playing Jenga, I accidentally send to [redacted, but something close to the other name...(my boss).
So to summarize I sent a text to my boss that said 'My heart is pumping
for love'
Anyway,
I hope your 2007s are off to a better start than mine.
Happy New Year!"
Here's to a heart full of pumping love in 2007 (but not for our bosses!)
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!
When I woke up Christmas morning, my mom promptly told me that my sister was in labor. By 1 pm Cutest Baby Ever (CBE) arrived in my life. My gift to her, a copy of Dr. Seuss's "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" inscribed with a message of love and support.
Here is what I didn't tell her that I am going to teach her OR Things I wish people had taught me:
1. Boys are stupid. They always will be and you can't change that. No, they don't analyze things like we ladies do, so don't waste your time. If a boy is being stupid find another one, preferably a younger one.
2. You are NEVER too young to be a cougar.
3. Girls are crazy. They always will be and you can't change that. And they are mean. And you can't change that either. So just be the meanest and make everyone fear you and you will be popular.
Your new bible.
- A good lip gloss
- A light perfume
- A good pair of black boots
- Being a fan of at least one sports team
- A good laugh (I'm still working on mine, someone told me I cackle)
5. Being able to sing, dance and hold your cocktail is a quality skill, work on that one while you're young.
6. Even though you will probably despise your Mom from ages 12-17, make sure you tell her you love her every day. She'll be the one you call when you get in trouble for underage drinking in college. But seriously. Moms are awesome (My sister just explained labor to me in high detail.).
7. Math beyond the 8th grade level is unnecessary and useless in the real world so don't try too hard.
8. Read books. They make you smarter and if you pick the right ones, you learn about sex really early on.
9. Our family has weird allergies to drugs. I am allergic to the ganj as is your other aunt. You can try it, but trust me, you'll be passed out or puking. I say, stick to booze and caffeine, at least they are legal.
This = puking.
10. Stack your shoes neatly in your closet. Stepping on a high heel at 8 am is agony.
11. Learn another language fluently, you will probably need it.
12. New York City is a place full of fun and late nights. Never take a cab back to Westchester alone at 4:30 am. Find the nearest diner, drink coffee to stay awake and hop the 5:35 back. And don't fall asleep. There are no cabs in Cos Cob.
13. Don't date or hook up guys with long beards.
14.The following things are scary:
- Ghosts
- Clowns (especially the sad kinds)
- Birds
- The Willy Wonka boat ride
- G'mork in The Neverending Story
- Michael Jackson's nose
- Michael Jackson
- Anything to do with Are You Afraid of the Dark on Nickelodeon
- Possibly me if I drink too much
And Finally...
15. Don't look up to Katie Holmes, she will only break your heart.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Mismatch.com
I recently logged onto my old match.com profile (which, in my defense, was created during a dry spell on a very rainy Saturday night) just to see who might be out there. I don't pay for the service so I can't really contact people but I find it fascinating how they match you up with people. If they can find my 100% match that would be awesome.
Well it finally happened. And apparently I am destined to fall in love someone we will call Troll McTrollerston. Now, I am aware that I am not Heidi Klum or even any kind of less hot version of any celebrity. I am just me, which, I think and have been told, is attractive by all reasonable standards. Actually, more than most reasonable standards. And this guy is not attractive by ANY resonable standards. If the bearded lady had sex with the Crypt Keeper which resulted in an unwanted pregnancy that led to the child having no parental love making him a sad and ugly human being it would look like this guy.
And that's really ugly. Because trust me, I've made out with some real lookers in my day, like the kind that might scare babies....and this guy, I mean seriously, match.com should institute a "NO TROLLS ALLOWED" policy STAT. So I'm officially done with them, not that I was ever really involved, but really, never logging in again. It's just depressing.
In the meantime, I will think about of what could have been.
Well it finally happened. And apparently I am destined to fall in love someone we will call Troll McTrollerston. Now, I am aware that I am not Heidi Klum or even any kind of less hot version of any celebrity. I am just me, which, I think and have been told, is attractive by all reasonable standards. Actually, more than most reasonable standards. And this guy is not attractive by ANY resonable standards. If the bearded lady had sex with the Crypt Keeper which resulted in an unwanted pregnancy that led to the child having no parental love making him a sad and ugly human being it would look like this guy.
And that's really ugly. Because trust me, I've made out with some real lookers in my day, like the kind that might scare babies....and this guy, I mean seriously, match.com should institute a "NO TROLLS ALLOWED" policy STAT. So I'm officially done with them, not that I was ever really involved, but really, never logging in again. It's just depressing.
In the meantime, I will think about of what could have been.
(FYI - That isn't me. Pleated flare khaki pants? I would rather eff the troll.)
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
OH BABY!
My sister may be popping out my little niece any day now so stay tuned....in the meantime, here is a picture of a baby that is of no relation to me.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
I don't want a lot for Christmas...
My realistic Christmas list:
1. Dawson's Creek DVD's
2. New Digital Camera
3. New Clothes
4. Some fancy bath products
5. Gift Certificates
6. A new winter coat
7. My bed to finally get fixed
My unrealistic Christmas List:
1. My very own Lloyd Dobler
2. All of the NYC tourists to leave midtown
3. Bono to write a song about me
4. Bigger boobs
5. John Krasinski, Topher Grace, Zach Braff and Wentworth Miller to all propose to me at the same time. And for polygamy to be legal
6. A book deal
7. A new big girl bed
What I absolutely don't want for Christmas
1. The clap
2. To see Clay Aiken in person
3. To make out with an ugly man
4. Any more colds
5. Anything having to do with Britney Spears cooter
6. TomKat to breed anymore fake robot babies
7. Another broken bed
1. Dawson's Creek DVD's
2. New Digital Camera
3. New Clothes
4. Some fancy bath products
5. Gift Certificates
6. A new winter coat
7. My bed to finally get fixed
My unrealistic Christmas List:
1. My very own Lloyd Dobler
2. All of the NYC tourists to leave midtown
3. Bono to write a song about me
4. Bigger boobs
5. John Krasinski, Topher Grace, Zach Braff and Wentworth Miller to all propose to me at the same time. And for polygamy to be legal
6. A book deal
7. A new big girl bed
What I absolutely don't want for Christmas
1. The clap
2. To see Clay Aiken in person
3. To make out with an ugly man
4. Any more colds
5. Anything having to do with Britney Spears cooter
6. TomKat to breed anymore fake robot babies
7. Another broken bed
Friday, December 08, 2006
Sick Sucks
I've caught the plague for the third time this fall/winter. So while I would normally be out galavanting holiday style and rocking some red and green I have been reduced to something that resembles the PUS's (Poor Unfortunate Souls) in The Little Mermaid. This leaves one to wonder, why the ef do I keep getting sick? Let's evaluate my lifestyle:
1. Does weekend boozing cause illness? My answer is no. I figure that extreme amounts of vodka kill all of the bacteria/reduce infection/make me feel invicible. In no way does it leave me vulnerable to diseases (well the common cold anyway, two shots of whiskey and some poor judgement could create a whole other outcome).
2. Cigarettes? Since my illnesses have been strep throat and runny nose and only limited amount of coughing I'm gonna go with a no. But Jonesy, doesn't the FDA say that smoking causes cancer and other illnesses. I say, maybe, but they aren't causing what I have. Lighting a piece of paper mixed with dried leaves and rat poison effects me in no way. I swear. Fine, my fingers were crossed, but I really don't smoke that much anymore. Promise. Damn, caught me again! Ok, I smoke a few during the week but on the weekends it becomes a bigger habit, because you know, the booze makes me forget,
3. Boys? Ok, it's been a slow few months. With the exception of some early November cougaring. So no.
4. Being a cougar? Yes, because younger boys are less hygenic and are more prown to other hussie's cold germs. But since that was in early November I see no correlation to my sickness now.
5. Work? Offically the culprit. I spend more time with hacking, couching runny-nosed coworkers then I care to and germs spread like Britney's legs when she isn't wearing drawers. The more time I spend there the more ill I get. This blows.
1. Does weekend boozing cause illness? My answer is no. I figure that extreme amounts of vodka kill all of the bacteria/reduce infection/make me feel invicible. In no way does it leave me vulnerable to diseases (well the common cold anyway, two shots of whiskey and some poor judgement could create a whole other outcome).
2. Cigarettes? Since my illnesses have been strep throat and runny nose and only limited amount of coughing I'm gonna go with a no. But Jonesy, doesn't the FDA say that smoking causes cancer and other illnesses. I say, maybe, but they aren't causing what I have. Lighting a piece of paper mixed with dried leaves and rat poison effects me in no way. I swear. Fine, my fingers were crossed, but I really don't smoke that much anymore. Promise. Damn, caught me again! Ok, I smoke a few during the week but on the weekends it becomes a bigger habit, because you know, the booze makes me forget,
3. Boys? Ok, it's been a slow few months. With the exception of some early November cougaring. So no.
4. Being a cougar? Yes, because younger boys are less hygenic and are more prown to other hussie's cold germs. But since that was in early November I see no correlation to my sickness now.
5. Work? Offically the culprit. I spend more time with hacking, couching runny-nosed coworkers then I care to and germs spread like Britney's legs when she isn't wearing drawers. The more time I spend there the more ill I get. This blows.
Monday, December 04, 2006
O' Christmas Rules!
Only a kick ass holiday would have a drink called nog. Actually, I hate eggnog. It smells nast and I can only come to the conclusion that drinking large volume of it will make you vomit. And the color makes it look like something spoiled. Regardless of all of its obvious nastitites, it is still a popular holiday beverage. Why? Because Christmas is like the biggest kid in class. It tells all of the other holidays what to do. And if Christmas says eggnog is still part of his click than so be it. Vomit and all.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Reason 2
Depressing? Maybe. But really do they know it's Christmas time at all? Thank you Bono, for reminding me that Christmas isn't about snow or presents or food or Santa or fun or even the birth of Jesus Christ. It's about saving the starving children in Africa.
FEEEEEEEED THE WOOOOOOOOOORRRRRLD! We all get presents and they don't. So everyone be nice and donate some funds to something charitible this year.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
IT'S CHRISTMASTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that it's officially the Holiday season, I will be posting all the reasons why this is my favorite time of year (if work doesn't kill me first).
Here is one to kick things off:
The Heat Miser
For one thing, he is a red hot version of Don King. Also, whenever I hear his jam I get all excited for a series of films on ABC Family and am reminded that 24 Hours of the best movie ever is not too far off.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
AC SLATER IS RUINING MY LIFE
IS STILL RUINING MY FAITH IN HUMANITY! AC SLATER LIES!
So when Mario Lopez first started Dancing With the Stars he said head had no professional dance experience. I shook off the fact that he did some wicked moves on SBTB (ballet tights anyone? Or the epi when he entered the dance contest?). But I have proof that he is a liar from this clip from Kids Incorporated (the BEST SHOW EVER)
Umm, no professional experience? Then why is he listed in the opening credits as a DANCER? Let's get Darren Lee and Andrea Paige Wilson to go on record ok? Britney, stay away from him.
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