Sunday boring Sunday

I love Sundays and I hate 'em at the same time. Sunday mornings are for coffee and the NYT (specifically the Job Listings and Book sections). Sunday nights = bunk (which is my new word so get used to it even if you hate it). TV is crap after GA and then what am I to do?

So I decided to DVR a movie. I heard Muriel's wedding was funny. Um, you all are lying bastards. I thought it was sad. P.S. Don't read on if you don't want the plot spoiled. Her one friend who had any semblance of a fun life gets spinal cancer. It was like a punishment for having sex with two hot sailors. And Muriel...what the hell is wrong with her? She's socially special and leaves the one guy who shows any interest. And he's hot too. To be single? I hope not. Maybe Muriel, excuse me Mariel as she changes her name like 9 times in the movie, doesn't have the same issues in Sydney that we single girls face in New York. Not that I'm complaining. I'm just asking for one, just one, normal person to approach me when I'm out. But apparently that's just to much to ask. Those chicks on Sex and the City made it look easy. They lied.

On another note, Arsenio Hall is making a personal appearence in my hood this week. At McDonald's. I'm serious. Even weirder, the Wayon brothers were at my Blockbuster this spring. Wow, people really hold onto that last thread of fame. Sad really. I wish other former famouses would do that. Like Budnick from Camp Anawanna AKA Salute Your Shorts. I would turn out for that. Or maybe Ian Ziering will be at Applebee's next week. Man that would be awesome.

It's official....

Heath is now a baby daddy. Michelle Williams and he are now parents of a baby girl named......Matilda. I wonder if she has magic powers. Anyway, I think I can handle a man with a baby. Britney did it. And look at her...

oh well, guess he's gone forever.

Thanks!

Thanks to everyone who made my birthday a special event! I had a great time and appreciate all the well wishes! Be proud, I'm growing up and I didn't do anything too stupid!

Special Pre-OLD edition

Yes I know. I haven't posted in forever but I deserve the slack because I've been too damn busy with school.

Now as for the title of this post, I am turning 24 in a week. Yes, 24. Like the Keifer Sutherland mid-season goto on Fox. 24, just sounds old. It will be a coming of age year for me. No more student loans to pay my rent. No more excuses to be unemployed. No more excuses for eating Lucky Charms (although I think I am crafty enough to find some).

But, as a true fabulous New Yorker. I will celebrate. Celebrate I will among a bar full anonymous 20-somethings. Want to come? Be at Crime Scene (really the name of the place) on Bowery on Saturday night. I'll be the drunk girl.


Now, back to business:

1. The boy...umm I think I need Heidi Klum to help me with this one. I tried. I really did. But I just can't be with someone just to be with someone. See, I really am a grown up. But I also don't want to hurt his feelings. Maybe I'll keep trying to feel something, anything. Which will still be fruitless because my heart is so obviously with someone else (DAMN YOU HEATH LEDGER! j/k).

2. Lost. Yes I love the show. But like Katie Holmes (more on my friend "Kate" later) I hate it too. I need more info. I just don't get where this plot is going. I'm more lost than an acid-tripping hippie watching Labyrinth on HDTV. Or maybe that's JJ Abrams genius. To make me feel like a hippie...DAMN YOU!

3. Family Guy If you haven't seen the Stewie movie buy it now. I mean NOW. If you are lucky like me you will see Whoopi Goldberg in Best Buy when you go to get it. It is the funniest thing I have seen in a while sans Tom Cruise's efforts to look heterosexual.

4. TomKat I have openly supported the theory that Katie Holmes has been brainwashed by creepy scientologists. And now...she's preggers. But like, fake preggers. She was skinny a week ago and now she's like full second trimester. I swear it's like an episode of some sci-fi show I watched once where a baby came to full term in like a day. My new theory: Chris Klein or some other C-lister knocked her up and she made a deal with devil (played here by Mr. Cruise) to get some A-lister fame out of it.

5. Kathy Griffin's divorce SO SAD!

6. SNL Their new tagline should be "Still sucking after a jillion years!"

They are as clever as foxes.

Wow. Fox has done some serious homework on tv shows that will obviously have me not moving my ass from the couch for the next few months.
First, Prison Break. Any show that shows a really hot guy with a full arm and chest tatoo that's like one of the posters where you are supposed to see sailboats is awesome. Add a scene where he gets his toes clipped off by mafioso and I'm theirs.
Now, onto Reunion. This may be the best new show this year. I don't think it's better than Lost but this is one giant murder mystery and we don't even know who's dead yet! Sex, violence, betrayal, pregnancy, car crashes and parties all in episode one! Every episode a different year leading to the finale which is present time...BRILLIANT! (Although, what about season 2?) Add one part Hailey from the OC and one part JJ from American Dreams and you have a hit with me folks. And let me not neglect Keith from Six feet Under making a return ina new series as what else? A cop. Bring on the next 19 years.
Needless to say, don't call me Wednesday or Thursday nights from now until sweeps.

Anyone?

I'm still dying to see The Brother's Grimm but no one will go with me! I mean, how can I say no to Heath Ledger and Matt Damon. Especially when Heath is playing the bookish one in this movie. Anyway, I may have to tough this one out and go alone.

You should have...

stayed in that closet R. Kelly.

Against my better judgment I turned on the MTV awards tonight. What the hell is wrong with R. Kelly. I kind of let go the fact that he beds teenagers and chalked it up to the groupie factor. But his poor lip-synching performance tonight was more ridiculous than John Norris's outfit.

Like did he think we wouldn't catch onto the fact that he stopped moving his mouth while the audio track boomed over the microphone. I don't care who Cathy, Chuck and Rufus are R. And Chuck and Rufus are "on the down low" while Cathy goes clubbing telling people her name is Mary and sleeping with gangsters with guns (that would be you R, if you got confused in your wildly elaborate story line of your epic R&B saga). And why did Rufus break up with Chuck? It seems that Mary/Cathy is a dirty homophobic whore with issues. Chuck seemed nice. I like Chuck.

Anyway R., you should have stayed in that closet. Because I think all of America thought, in the wise words of Valerie Cherish, "I don't want to see that!"

Hey Jude,

So you were aware of your lack of goodness in the male special parts department. Is that why you had your people write a cease and desist letter to get your nekkid time pics off of the internets?

All I can say is for shame on you Jude, for shame. Thanks for crushing our fantasies.

Nekkid Time

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I am a stalker

I found Stephen from Laguna Beach's blog site.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Surf_in_Laguna

I am so sad.

Laguna Beach

Ok, that show should have a v-chip for adults. We should so not be allowed to watch it.
For the past year all I heard from boys was how hot this Kristen girl is. I never really got into the show but after 6 weeks of no TV I was ready to watch anything.
Now I feel like I giant perv because that Stephen boy is cute. Not to mention every other boy on that show. Are they really all high school age? Now I feel like Pervy Perveson.
By the way, boys, LC is so cuter than Kristen.

Oh, and it took me like a week to realize the show is real because apparently I don't like opening credits.

Sorry boys....

but it is the end of an era. The three Jones sisters are no longer a triad of wonderful singleness. My oldest sis is getting married.
I'm so excited for my sister. It seems like her day has taken forever to get here, with a lot of bumps along the way. But her dress is here and beautiful and us bridesmaids are all geared up to smile for the cameras in our bubble gum pink dresses.
So take off your hats and bow your heads, as there is one less fabulous Bristol gal on the market.

P.S. Did I mention I was single?

Dude, they are free.

Hey Check out this site freeiPods.comClick here: http://www.freeiPods.com/?r=21213785

She's brainwashed!

http://www.style.com/w/feat_story/070505/full_page.html

Say it ain't so....

Ok, so this is Fox News and I take it with a grain of salt but.......hey, it does pose a big question.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,160192,00.html

Friends don't let friends marry scary 42-year-old Scientologists. 

Here is the most recent design from freekatie.net. Thanks for ruining the Eiffel Tower forever Tom "I haven't done a decent movie since Magnolia" Cruise. 

I bought this shirt to take a stand against this blatant abuse of celebrity. 

A Plea To My Falling Idol

Oh Katie, what are you doing with yourself? Many of us young girls let you shape our adolescence as you gracefully brought Josephine Potter to the small screen Wednesday nights. I even had your back when you picked Pacey (I myself, am an overthinker, so I am a Dawsonist). You even made me buy a t-shirt from the set of your show after the finale (which it took me a whole year to watch because I can't let it go, I'm still waiting for Dawson: The Twenty-Something Years)

Katie, I watched Teaching Mrs. Tingle. I own Disturbing Behavior. I begged people to go see First Daughter with me. I have supported you in every bad career move you have made until this point (good job with Pieces of April though!). And what do I get for my support and idolization? TOMKAT!

A publicity stunt relationship so you and your aging "not gay" boyfriend can smooch all over the media. Did your publicists learn nothing from Bennifer Part 1? C'mon now. We don't want to see it, we don't need to see it and we sure as hell ain't buying it.

And the Scientology thing, what are you doing? You're a Catholic girl from Toledo who likes Marc Jacobs and Chanel. Don't forget those roots!

Ok, the one thing I have your back on is accepting that stunning rock that Scary Tom Tom gave you. I mean, with ice like that, what's a girl really to do. But please, spare me the public make out sessions in which you look like you want to vomit. I believe you more when you made out with Dru Valentine when you and he were locked in the storage closet during Season 4.

Here's the deal. Batman Begins is totally gonna do okay enough at the Box Office that you can ditch Tom before War of the Worlds comes out. This facade need not go on an longer Katie. And why does he call you Kate? You are Katie Holmes. Never forget that.

I join in allegiance with the rest of the world chanting FREE KATIE!

Full Speed Ahead

Just when I was starting to get pissed at the weather (me and Mother Nature are totally still in a fight) and feeling lonely in this fair metropolis of mine two words have freed me from my mildly cold prison of solitude. The two words I wait for every year. The two words I couldn't wait to speak as truth when I turned in my commuter pass for apartment keys. The two words that were part of the reason I was excited to live on the West Side. Yes my friends, it is FLEET WEEK!

For those of you who don't know, Fleet Week occurs around every Memorial Day weekend in NYC.

Here is what a press release from the people who run The Intrepid (a sea and space museum) says:

"In honor of the men and women who serve in the United States military and their families, the Intrepid Sea Air Space Museum announce its participation in and co-hosting of New York CityÂ’s 18th Annual Fleet Week celebration May 25th to June 1st. Many of the exciting Fleet Week activities that have become synonymous with the event will be staged at the Intrepid Sea Air Space Museum on 12th Avenue & West 46th Street, with others scheduled throughout the five boroughs of New York."

Ok, that's all fine and good and mostly true. But they neglect to mention the hundreds of cute little Navy boys that will be wandering the city in their cute little white outfits looking to have good time. CUTE NAVY BOYS! Cute Navy boys that have spent months on ships without cute girls (I understand most of the amazingly brave and fantastic women of our Navy do leave a bit to be desired in the sex appeal department). This is like the single girls Christmannakawanzza.

While Sex and the City over glamourize this event, it is still a fantastic time. Now, while I indeed do not plan on losing any form of integrity this weekend I do plan on having a good time, kicking off the festivities Thursday evening. What to wear? Oh, this is where Mother Nature better take some Pamprin so I can ship out my fun summertime wardrobe that gives me the confidence to step up to plate during the annual event.

You may wonder what I did last year during Fleet Week.Unfortunatelyy, I was chained to my desk job and then on a final road trip with my free car that had only a few precious weeks left on its lease. While I enjoyed that weekend immensely, I can't help but think that it would have been just a tad better if I hung out with some sexy sailors.

All that said, beauty sleep and a clean room are essential. Wish me luck on my so serious of missions.