Life and Love Lessons Learned from Grey's

After an extra long weekend that included extra debauchery, I had an epiphany while emptying a floater beer can into my sink (I have no idea whose it was, or for how many days it had been on my window sill, but that's neither here nor there).

I have decided that most (I refuse to say all because I'm a journalist and I have to cover my ass somehow) heterosexual (I only say this as I have no dating and or romantic experience with gay men) men (minus just the blatant assholes or as I refer to them now as a Karev, they are summed up in that one word alone) can be categorized into three basic categories and that Grey's Anatomy has officially introduced us to them all (and has also brought some fab new descriptions into the lexicon).

I will start with the McSteamy, not because he's my least favorite or the least attractive by any means but because he is the most vague. He is an enigma and a paradox and any other word that sounds vague and magical. In fact, he's the most attractive type of man (sans professional models and most major actors since I regard them as super-people and not part of the human race). He's the guy who walks past you on the street and you just have to stare. He's the guy that asks to bum a cigarette and you hand it over without saying a word, because in all honesty, you have no idea what to say to that kind of hotness. Or you say something really witty but wonder if it sounded completely dorky because people that hot don't need wit to get by.

He's the guy you would hook up with in a second, just because he's hot, but would make you so self-conscious the whole time you were together. He's to his friends especially when he wants something, but if they stand in the way of what he wants he'll betray them in a heartbeat. Sex and women come first. He's as charming as all hell, and will say almost anything to break any resistance you might have to his charms. At times he can seem sleazy, but he can flash a smile to make up for it. Every relatively attractive girl is the right girl.

He is vain. Appearances are more important than honesty. He would sleep with your sister. He'll cheat but he'll be really sorry about it. He’s always up for a one-night stand. You can never really KNOW him.

I met a McSteamy this weekend. He told me he was getting his Master’s and I think I remember him saying he was my age. Some myspace investigation revealed that he is 21. I was McSteamed.

Famous McSteamies:

Don Juan
Casanova
Mr. Big (pre-S&TC finale)
Vince Vaughn
Hugh Grant in half of his movies

Onto the McDreamy, which is quite similar to the McSteamy with varying degrees of hotness. The major difference, McDreamies actually fall in love. They have honor and try to be good, but their undeniable sex appeal and sweetness attract way too many women for them to turn away. They are the kind of man that you think you would be lucky to marry. They’re smart. They look good holding babies and walking dogs. They look good wearing just about anything. They want to be the best they can for you but inevitably they have to fall short.

He’s the man you would tell your mom you met. He’s the man you would tell your co-workers you met. He could devastate you if he pulled a McSteamy. He has soulful eyes. He needs to be with the right girl but usually never is. Being with him makes you want to be better. He gets jealous. He is the one-night stand that calls you.

He would be perfect if he didn’t seem so conflicted all of time. He is most likely to have an identity crisis. You will only really KNOW him if you are the one.

I still have a crush on my own personal McSteamy. To me he will probably always be perfect except for the fact that he chose the wrong girl.


Famous McDreamies:
Dylan McKay
Lucas Scott
Charlie Todd
Aidan
Hugh Grant in the other half of his movies


And then there is my personal favorite the George, which you can call whatever you want, The Baxter, The Jim, The Ted, The Mouth (you can really name him by inserting the name of the “nice” guy on your favorite TV, my favorite of these happens to be George. Georges aren’t ugly, they are just, well, average. Not to be confused with the absolute rejects on that reality show (which would have been more appropriately titles, “Ugly Joes”).

Georges are your friends. They are the guys you always hang out with, your boys. They are the ones you make plans to hang out with, not to date. They are the ones you try to set up your friends with (and here is where things get tricky because one girl’s George can be another’s McDreamy and in the rare case, vice versa). They are the ones you might get a fleeting crush on in between McSteamies and McDreamies. They are the ones to deserve to get the girl but a lot of times they won’t. They are the one’s you should marry.

They fall in love hard and fast. They promise not to hurt you and it’s true. They make you comfortable. Georges make you love yourself for who you are, not what you think a McDreamy wants. You would never feel fat around a George. Georges tend to get more self-conscious around you. George is smart like McDreamy, but he’s also funny and he laughs at your jokes.

Georges hesitate. They have horrific timing. They tend to have their hearts broken. They are intimidated easily, but in rare moments of grandeur, they show the inner McDreaminess, and can become the perfect man. Everyone KNOWS who a George is, no secrets here.

Famous Georges:
All of the aforementioned
Lloyd Dobler
Dawson Leary
Steve


Honestly, I’m looking for my George today. I had one at some point but like I said, Georges have horrific timing. It always makes me wonder what could have been.


In writing all of this I am well aware that there are spin-offs if you will of each type. Like I already said we have the Karev (who may turn into the reformed asshole), the Burke (who is pretty much a George shining through his inner McDreaminess) and lest we forget the Chief (who seems to at one point been a Karev, but they are variations within themselves of the three major types. Who thought you could learn this much from prime time TV, on ABC no less?

Mr. Brightside

So if any of you actually DO read my blog regularly (and thanks if you do, much appreciated for anyone who reads), you will know that last weekend I cam down with a caseof the ex-er-well nonboyfriend. So, as much as I ignored him and openly flirted with a gay companion to make him jealous (which probably did since he has NO gaydar) apprently I am officially a succubus.

He called. Again. After seeing me and not saying hi he called. And he wasn't drunk. He wasn't at a bar, he wasn't slurring. Some how the idea that he should call me popped up in his stone cold sober mind. Honestly, not meaning to offend anyone here, but is he retarded or something? Like, I don't like you. I never really did when you think about it, I liked your best friend, and I stopped accepting your phone calls in OCTOBER. I am so temtped to tell him to forget he ever met me, but I don't want to be harsh. Thank God he moved out of my neighborhood. I wonder what might have happened if he still lived aropund the corner. (Pause as I internally shiver and feel my bones get cold.)

Oh so the best part...the message. Saying hi and that he's been out of town like in case I needed to reach him or something. (Which I'll admit, made me wonder if I had at some point called him drunk when I got home, but then a flash of the roommate telling me not to flips into my head) Is he saying he's been out of town so i think I saw his evil twin last weekend? And does anyone not take their phone with them out of town? Told you, this kid's a genious.


So he's really annoying. IF he calls again I just might answer, and yell. But I would rather ignore, just in case I ever want to go back to that bar again.

I know what you did last weekend

This weekend was so WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, I get in to modd to go out, I'm exhausted, no nap, but I'm amped after watched the results of Dancing With the Stars...screw you Tia. So I drink a bottle of Chardonnay by myself. What I can say? It was good wine! I start feeling a little tipsy and sexy because I am totally wearing s shirt that didn't quite fit when I bought it and I know it's an attention grabbing shirt in a flirty not completely slutty way.

I finally get the call to leave the house and I rock out on my iPod for 7 blocks and sit down to a a table with pitchers of beer. Cheap beer. Awesome. After a lot of catch up and girl talk and beer I'm feeling phenomenal. Like probably how Vince Vaughn feels everyday. And then I spot someone I prayed I wouldn't see.

So what if he hung out at the bar all the time, so what if that is where we met and hung out all the time. He wasn't my boyfrined, it wasn't a divorce, i shouldn't have to feel like I can't go there. I was the one who ended it, in the fashion of a timid high schooler yes, but I ended it, so why are his friends staring and looking and talking? Because he's as immature as I am, because I won't talk to him (which I would have if he would have done something when we were together). Because I have to take cover when heading to the ladies or going to smoke outside. Because as he gets in a cab at 2:30 and stares at me, just letting me know what he thinks about the girl with the flirty fitted shirt. I should have given him the finger to let him know what I think about his attitude. And then you have obnoxious peole syaing things like "Well he wasn't THAT cute." WTF does that mean. Is it supposeed to make me feel good that you think I dated an unnattractive guy? Well take a look in the mirror because you haven't been bringing any prizes.


DAMN! And now I'm left wondering if I made a mistake, because he didn't do anything to hurt me (and he never would) and he was a nice guy. But that was just it . He wouldn't do anything. And that was fine but then I realized that that was who he was. A guy who did nothing. But not in a cute Office Space way. In like a scary "do you have future?" way. People just make me mad. I didn't like you that much, so deal.

I didn't even want to stay at that place once he came in. But I shoudn't have too. SO we played a game of Survivor and I out played, outwitted and outlasted his ass. Seriously, don't play games with me because I hate to lose.

So after the debacle of the evening and an unfortunate closing of a placl establishment that led to darts not being played, I went home and to bed. Which was good, because nothing can get rid of a bad night like some sleep.

On Saturday I was so fed up with, people, my dirty apartment, my life, I headed home to my mom. (yea I know, I'm a big baby). Lucky for me I came home for a reallys pecial occasion. My sister got engaged to a great guy who I welcome with open arms into my family. He really is the best thing that has ever happened to her and I've never seen her this happy! I'm so excited to be involved in her big day! No date yet, they are going to enjoy for a little while and go on vacay (which I wish I could go on!).


Sunday, I came back to the dirty apartment with intentions of cleaning, but since I am not a maid, I wanted to wait for the roomies to come home. Then I fell alseep having crazy dreams about donuts, root beer floats and being sick with a 103 degree fever. Weird. Then watched commercial for 4 hours and Grey's Anatomy which is by far my favorite show on TV.

Recap City

So last weekend I went back to the good ol days of college by taking a hike back down to Baltimore for tha annual Bull And Oyster Roast.

As I fled from work on Friday to catch the 5:39 Amtrak from Penn I started getting really excited to see my friends (who I haven't seen for the better part of a year). Of course, that led to my train being delayed.

When I finally arrived I got psyched got dressed and the gals and I headed to Mother's for a night that was really fun but uneventful. The only thing that stands out my mind was me bitching out some ugly guy for yelling at me and Kar for dancing to Kelly Clarkson. Suck on this Idol hater.


Saturday was a fun-filled day of jewelry shopping and on-campus drive-bys (which is soooooooooooo depressing when you realize you haven't gone to the school for 3 years). We went to Strapazza for dinner which was phenomenal, even if I did have to limit my garlic bread intake.

We decided to skip the actual on-campus event because, well, everyone else did. Enter: Margaritas and vodka. Seriously, I have issues mixing. I had beers, a Margarita and kept switching up my vodkas. I was doomed. Which is why I'm not surprised that I have a big bruise on my left butt cheek, a cut on my knee, and still can't straighten my foot all the way. Oh, and I have a boot missing a heel. Like a full heel. And I don't have it. Boots I just got fixed. Boots that now have to be thrown out.

All of those signs point to: I probably had the best night of my life, but I will never remember it. Just my luck!


I have some suggestions for a new title for this Loyola Alum weekend, Bull and Oyster Roast just doeasn't do it justice.

"Look at How fat she Got" Roast
"He still really looks good" Roast
"I can't believe I ever hooked up with him" Roast
"I still really like him" Roast
"Let's act like we're 18 again" Roast

And my favorite:

"Don't pretend you were ever my friend" Roast

So vodka and I are legally seperated but I still wear my ring, so don't worry, there' s still a chance we could reconcile. It just won't be this weekend. I have a date with beer.

Until next year B'more. Here's staying crabby for ya.

Since I've been gone

I know I'm slow and I don't have as much time as I used to to keep up the blog work. Maybe it's because I got a job! A great one at that. I'm really excited to be back in the real world after grad school but I must say, it's hard to think that this is what I'll be doing for the next 40 or so years. Anyone else wake up in the morning to that?

It's a pretty miserable thought when you think about it. That you have to work. That you have to wake up every morning and spend such a large amount of your time at one place, doing that same things, month in and month out. And the idea that my generation will never be as successful as our parents is frightening.

But I like where I am. I like what I do (so far, it's only been 3 weeks). Hopefully that won't change.

Bastards....

Fox cancelled Reunion. And they aren't telling us who the killer is. So now I have to live my life wondering who killed Sam.

And in a further genius move they forgot to leave time in the spring schedule for Prison Break. So now I have to wait until MAY 2006 for the last nine episodes. You would think they would be smart enough to put those in Reunion's vacant spot but no, Fox is to vindictive and mean.

I hate Fox. They will be punished for this.

Sunday boring Sunday

I love Sundays and I hate 'em at the same time. Sunday mornings are for coffee and the NYT (specifically the Job Listings and Book sections). Sunday nights = bunk (which is my new word so get used to it even if you hate it). TV is crap after GA and then what am I to do?

So I decided to DVR a movie. I heard Muriel's wedding was funny. Um, you all are lying bastards. I thought it was sad. P.S. Don't read on if you don't want the plot spoiled. Her one friend who had any semblance of a fun life gets spinal cancer. It was like a punishment for having sex with two hot sailors. And Muriel...what the hell is wrong with her? She's socially special and leaves the one guy who shows any interest. And he's hot too. To be single? I hope not. Maybe Muriel, excuse me Mariel as she changes her name like 9 times in the movie, doesn't have the same issues in Sydney that we single girls face in New York. Not that I'm complaining. I'm just asking for one, just one, normal person to approach me when I'm out. But apparently that's just to much to ask. Those chicks on Sex and the City made it look easy. They lied.

On another note, Arsenio Hall is making a personal appearence in my hood this week. At McDonald's. I'm serious. Even weirder, the Wayon brothers were at my Blockbuster this spring. Wow, people really hold onto that last thread of fame. Sad really. I wish other former famouses would do that. Like Budnick from Camp Anawanna AKA Salute Your Shorts. I would turn out for that. Or maybe Ian Ziering will be at Applebee's next week. Man that would be awesome.

It's official....

Heath is now a baby daddy. Michelle Williams and he are now parents of a baby girl named......Matilda. I wonder if she has magic powers. Anyway, I think I can handle a man with a baby. Britney did it. And look at her...

oh well, guess he's gone forever.

Thanks!

Thanks to everyone who made my birthday a special event! I had a great time and appreciate all the well wishes! Be proud, I'm growing up and I didn't do anything too stupid!

Special Pre-OLD edition

Yes I know. I haven't posted in forever but I deserve the slack because I've been too damn busy with school.

Now as for the title of this post, I am turning 24 in a week. Yes, 24. Like the Keifer Sutherland mid-season goto on Fox. 24, just sounds old. It will be a coming of age year for me. No more student loans to pay my rent. No more excuses to be unemployed. No more excuses for eating Lucky Charms (although I think I am crafty enough to find some).

But, as a true fabulous New Yorker. I will celebrate. Celebrate I will among a bar full anonymous 20-somethings. Want to come? Be at Crime Scene (really the name of the place) on Bowery on Saturday night. I'll be the drunk girl.


Now, back to business:

1. The boy...umm I think I need Heidi Klum to help me with this one. I tried. I really did. But I just can't be with someone just to be with someone. See, I really am a grown up. But I also don't want to hurt his feelings. Maybe I'll keep trying to feel something, anything. Which will still be fruitless because my heart is so obviously with someone else (DAMN YOU HEATH LEDGER! j/k).

2. Lost. Yes I love the show. But like Katie Holmes (more on my friend "Kate" later) I hate it too. I need more info. I just don't get where this plot is going. I'm more lost than an acid-tripping hippie watching Labyrinth on HDTV. Or maybe that's JJ Abrams genius. To make me feel like a hippie...DAMN YOU!

3. Family Guy If you haven't seen the Stewie movie buy it now. I mean NOW. If you are lucky like me you will see Whoopi Goldberg in Best Buy when you go to get it. It is the funniest thing I have seen in a while sans Tom Cruise's efforts to look heterosexual.

4. TomKat I have openly supported the theory that Katie Holmes has been brainwashed by creepy scientologists. And now...she's preggers. But like, fake preggers. She was skinny a week ago and now she's like full second trimester. I swear it's like an episode of some sci-fi show I watched once where a baby came to full term in like a day. My new theory: Chris Klein or some other C-lister knocked her up and she made a deal with devil (played here by Mr. Cruise) to get some A-lister fame out of it.

5. Kathy Griffin's divorce SO SAD!

6. SNL Their new tagline should be "Still sucking after a jillion years!"

They are as clever as foxes.

Wow. Fox has done some serious homework on tv shows that will obviously have me not moving my ass from the couch for the next few months.
First, Prison Break. Any show that shows a really hot guy with a full arm and chest tatoo that's like one of the posters where you are supposed to see sailboats is awesome. Add a scene where he gets his toes clipped off by mafioso and I'm theirs.
Now, onto Reunion. This may be the best new show this year. I don't think it's better than Lost but this is one giant murder mystery and we don't even know who's dead yet! Sex, violence, betrayal, pregnancy, car crashes and parties all in episode one! Every episode a different year leading to the finale which is present time...BRILLIANT! (Although, what about season 2?) Add one part Hailey from the OC and one part JJ from American Dreams and you have a hit with me folks. And let me not neglect Keith from Six feet Under making a return ina new series as what else? A cop. Bring on the next 19 years.
Needless to say, don't call me Wednesday or Thursday nights from now until sweeps.

Anyone?

I'm still dying to see The Brother's Grimm but no one will go with me! I mean, how can I say no to Heath Ledger and Matt Damon. Especially when Heath is playing the bookish one in this movie. Anyway, I may have to tough this one out and go alone.

You should have...

stayed in that closet R. Kelly.

Against my better judgment I turned on the MTV awards tonight. What the hell is wrong with R. Kelly. I kind of let go the fact that he beds teenagers and chalked it up to the groupie factor. But his poor lip-synching performance tonight was more ridiculous than John Norris's outfit.

Like did he think we wouldn't catch onto the fact that he stopped moving his mouth while the audio track boomed over the microphone. I don't care who Cathy, Chuck and Rufus are R. And Chuck and Rufus are "on the down low" while Cathy goes clubbing telling people her name is Mary and sleeping with gangsters with guns (that would be you R, if you got confused in your wildly elaborate story line of your epic R&B saga). And why did Rufus break up with Chuck? It seems that Mary/Cathy is a dirty homophobic whore with issues. Chuck seemed nice. I like Chuck.

Anyway R., you should have stayed in that closet. Because I think all of America thought, in the wise words of Valerie Cherish, "I don't want to see that!"

Hey Jude,

So you were aware of your lack of goodness in the male special parts department. Is that why you had your people write a cease and desist letter to get your nekkid time pics off of the internets?

All I can say is for shame on you Jude, for shame. Thanks for crushing our fantasies.

Nekkid Time

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I am a stalker

I found Stephen from Laguna Beach's blog site.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Surf_in_Laguna

I am so sad.

Laguna Beach

Ok, that show should have a v-chip for adults. We should so not be allowed to watch it.
For the past year all I heard from boys was how hot this Kristen girl is. I never really got into the show but after 6 weeks of no TV I was ready to watch anything.
Now I feel like I giant perv because that Stephen boy is cute. Not to mention every other boy on that show. Are they really all high school age? Now I feel like Pervy Perveson.
By the way, boys, LC is so cuter than Kristen.

Oh, and it took me like a week to realize the show is real because apparently I don't like opening credits.

Sorry boys....

but it is the end of an era. The three Jones sisters are no longer a triad of wonderful singleness. My oldest sis is getting married.
I'm so excited for my sister. It seems like her day has taken forever to get here, with a lot of bumps along the way. But her dress is here and beautiful and us bridesmaids are all geared up to smile for the cameras in our bubble gum pink dresses.
So take off your hats and bow your heads, as there is one less fabulous Bristol gal on the market.

P.S. Did I mention I was single?

Dude, they are free.

Hey Check out this site freeiPods.comClick here: http://www.freeiPods.com/?r=21213785

She's brainwashed!

http://www.style.com/w/feat_story/070505/full_page.html